Forgotten Memory
by Heart-Filled-Darkness
Summary: Shizaya; Shizuo didn't think much of the new student in his 5th grade class until they become close and he realizes how much he cares, as much as it annoys him to admit. But how long will this new kid even stick around?
1. Chapter 1, First Glance

**Warning: **_This is a yaoi story, don't like it? Then hit the little arrow on the top left hand side of your screen. Rated T for later on some language, violence, blood... I might change the rating later but it depends. This is also sort of AU..._

**Disclaimer: **_I do no own Durarara! or any of the characters, I only own this plot._

**A/N:** _So... this is my first Shizaya story, and... I can't say how many times I had my doubts about it since well... they aren't adults and I didn't really know how they may act... but this is how I chose them to be, sorry if you don't like it. Reviews would be much appreciated, if there's something I need to write better or a grammar error I missed... also maybe tell me if you liked it or not? All though flames will just be laughed at._

_Enjoy~_

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><p><em>~ Chapter 1 ~<em>

_-First Glance-_

"Alright! Alright! Quite now." Mr. Hitajika said, eyeing all of the children strongly. You could easily tell that he completely hated his job as a teacher. He made it so obvious.

Shizuo looked up from staring at his desk to the teacher in front of the classroom. He instantly noticed there was another kid standing next to him that he'd never seen before. He must be new. Everyone else in his class had been messing around but once Mr. Hitajika spoke everyone got into their seats as quickly as they could. He was normally pretty mean or strict and Shizuo couldn't say that he hadn't gotten angry with him a few times. He had a tendency to... get angry very easily and when he did, there really wasn't anyway to stop him until he calmed down.

He looked down on himself for a moment to the cast that his left arm was in. It had been caused by him picking up someone a few years older than himself and tossing them a few yards away. No one made fun of his brother while he was around. That was one thing he couldn't stand, was anyone thinking they could mess with him. Normally a ten year old couldn't pick up a fifteen year old about twice his size, but then again Shizuo had more strength for a ten year old then a fifteen year old had. But due to that, he'd broken his arm for possibly the third time in two years. Luckily his bones healed quickly, but once they were healed he'd always end up breaking them again.

That didn't matter much to him though, every time he broke a few bones and they healed, he felt stronger. That was what he wanted to be, he wanted to keep getting stronger and stronger so that he could always protect his brother. He was the only one who didn't think of him as a monster, neither really did Shinra but he didn't count since he was weird anyways.

Shizuo gazed back up to the teacher to give him his attention again as he waited for the rest of the class. His brown eyes drifted over to the much smaller kid standing next to him. His hair was as black as coal, and a little bit thinner than his own. His eyes were a dark red, almost like blood. He didn't know what it was about him, but he was already getting a kind of strange vibe about him. He wasn't sure why, but there was something different about him that he couldn't figure out. His expression as completely blank. He was kind of surprised; all of the other new kids had looked nervous or were all red. But he wasn't.

He also thought it was kind of strange that there was a new kid in the middle of the year, but something must have happened with his family to make him move here and start a new school. But either way he didn't care.

"Everyone, this is Orihara Izaya and he will be in this class starting today. Now say hello." Mr. Hitajika demanded in the nicest tone possible for him to muster.

All of the other children said a loud hello together, something that made Izaya flinch slightly but it wasn't very noticeable. Shizuo hadn't said it, but he'd mouthed it like he did. He honestly didn't really care that much about him; he was just a new student.

Mr. Hitajika scanned for an empty desk then pointed to the one between Shinra and Shizuo. "Your assigned seat is there."

Izaya, without a word, moved from around the large desk of Mr. Hitajika to his seat. He sat down silently after placing his bag down on the ground and stayed gazing forward.

"Hey! I'm Shinra! Nice to meet you!"

Shizuo rolled his eyes, why was he not surprised by that? Of course Shinra was going to be the one to be introducing himself first. That was just who he was, always friendly, always wanting to know who was who. It was weird. But Shizuo really didn't really care. He didn't ever care about the new kids. Eventually they turned into everyone else. Just another person who got on his nerves.

"And that kid over there is Shizuo-kun! He's grumpy all the time though so I wouldn't talk to him that much!"

Shizuo turned to glare at Shinra who was pointing at him. "Am not! Why don't you shut up!"

Shinra laughed. "Tsk, that didn't help your case!"

Shizuo was about to stand before Mr. Hitajika's voice stopped him.

"Enough you two!"

Shizuo gave one last glare before turning to face forward and mindlessly start listening to the lesson.

xXxXx

"Lookie who I brought to have lunch with us!" Shizuo heard Shinra shout, his voice coming closer after each word. He didn't even need to look up to see who he had brought, it was pretty obvious.

Since eating inside was disgusting to him, they normally ate outside, they meaning him and Shinra. He didn't like being around everyone else while he ate. Also, it was just too noisy. He preferred eating outside, it was much more peaceful. But it slightly irritated him that he brought the new kid out here also. What was Shinra doing? He normally never was this way with new kids. What was so special about Izaya anyways? He didn't see anything. He didn't even really like him that much; something about him just… annoyed him. He didn't know what it was, but he just did. He hadn't even heard him speak yet and he still annoyed him. That was clearly some kind of sign that they shouldn't hang around each other, but Shinra was clearly making that quite impossible.

When he looked up at the table he was sitting at, he saw Shinra smiling at him from across it and Izaya sitting next to him, looking down at the table. They hadn't even had any real eye contact and he annoyed him. It was just his very being that was annoying. The more he was around him, the stronger it got.

"And why did you bring him?" Shizuo asked, taking out a red apple from the lunch his mom had packed for him and taking a large bite of it.

"Because he didn't have anywhere else to sit! So I figured he could sit with us, it's not a problem is it?" Shinra asked though even if Shizuo said it was it wouldn't make a difference. And Shizuo knew this.

Instead of arguing about it, he just looked away with a scowl and shrugged his shoulders. It didn't really mean that much, but Izaya just sort of bothered him. He hadn't even heard him say one word. It was like he was on mute. Maybe he was deaf?

"So, Izaya-kun, where are you from?" Shinra asked happily. He brought his lunch out of his bag and placed it on the table while waiting for Izaya to respond.

"Only the town over… we just moved here because of my father's work." Izaya said quietly.

Shizuo looked towards Izaya, he was still staring mindlessly at the table. There was seriously something off about him, but he couldn't figure out what it was.

"I see! So that's not too far away then!" Shinra admitted smiling. "Well how do you like it here so far? Ikebukuro is a pretty big city so there's always lots going on!"

"This is only my second day being here. I don't really know what to think of it yet." Izaya replied, finally looking up and at Shinra.

"Maybe Shizuo-kun and I should show you around after school then!" Shinra suggested, glancing over to Shizuo to see his reaction.

Shizuo glared. "No. My brother and I always walk home from school together, there's no way I'm gonna ditch him." he snapped, taking his forth large bite of his apple.

"Then bring him along! There's no harm in that." Shinra was acting completely set for this, but Shizuo really, _really, _didn't want to. Why was he even being included into this?

"Why don't you just do it?" he asked. Shinra seemed the one to want to be friends with him so badly. Shizuo couldn't care any less.

"Actually." Izaya interrupted before Shinra could respond. "I just planned on going straight home."

Shinra frowned. "Aw! Why not just let us show you around? This way it'll be less likely for you to get lost!"

"No, my father wanted me home right after school." Izaya told him quickly, sounding like he really just wanted to drop the subject.

Shinra looked after him a moment longer before sighing and going back to eating.

A few short minutes went by with some silence between the three; Shizuo had found it strange that Izaya didn't bring out a lunch.

"Hey, Izaya-kun." Shizuo said suddenly and with a more urgent tone in his voice to get his attention.

Izaya looked to him but didn't say anything.

Finally their eyes found contact with each other and before Shizuo realized it, he was practically staring at him. He opened his mouth a few times to say something but the words wouldn't leave his throat. To snap himself out of the weird trance, he blinked a few times before glaring.

"Don't you have a lunch?" he asked before the strange occurrence of before happened again.

Izaya shook his head.

Shizuo stared again at him for a moment before looking down on the bag his lunch was in, digging through it, and pulling out a small tub of broccoli and chopsticks. He then reached over to place them down in front of Izaya. "I hate broccoli anyways."

Izaya gazed at Shizuo, like trying to figure out why he had done that before he smiled lightly. "Thanks."

Shizuo looked away quickly, his cheeks suddenly feeling warm. "Yeah, yeah. It's no big deal, like I said I hate broccoli."

Shinra smiled at Shizuo. "Wow! How unexpectedly kind of you Shizuo-kun!"

Shizuo could feel his face getting even warmer. "S-Shut up!" he snapped, still not looking in their direction. He didn't know why suddenly he felt so embarrassed about what he did, but Shinra didn't need to make a big deal about it. He just felt sort of bad that he didn't have anything to eat, and like he'd said before, he hated broccoli! He didn't even know why his mom packed it for him. And with Izaya eating it, then he didn't have to worry about getting a lecture about it once he got home. It wasn't like he'd done it because he liked Izaya.

"What happened to your arm?"

Shizuo looked back and saw Izaya watched him curiously while bringing the chopsticks up to his mouth. Shizuo glanced down at his broken arm then to Izaya. He didn't exactly want to tell him what had happened. All he needed was someone else thinking he was a freak, and for some reason, he really didn't want Izaya to think that.

"Shizuo-kun has super human strength!" Shinra blurted. "He can pick up anything! Mail boxes, metal trash cans, sign posts, even people with just a single hand!"

Shizuo glared strongly at him, so much for not telling him. He gazed to Izaya to see his reaction, and he appeared to not really be freaked out or that much phased. He probably didn't believe him. Good, that was for the better. "Shut up!" he snapped at Shinra again before he said anything more. "I don't wanna talk about this anymore." For some reason deep down, he really didn't want Izaya to think he was some freaky inhuman monster. That was what pretty much everyone else though, except for Shinra and his brother. He really wouldn't be surprised if he did think that, but right now, he didn't want Izaya to believe it. Luckily, without any proof, he probably wouldn't.

xXxXx

After school had finished, Shizuo had made sure to avoid Shinra while finding his brother. The last thing he wanted was Shinra trying to convince him to show Izaya around even though he had said he was going straight home. He neither wanted to worry about him asking about what had happened at lunch because he didn't even know. He didn't know why he had done it, he just had. But it made it worse that Shinra even commented on it. He hadn't needed to do that! Just because he gave Izaya some of his lunch! It wasn't that big of a deal!

Trying just not to think of it anymore, he glanced over to his brother. They weren't too far from school so he wasn't exactly in the clear from Shinra yet, but he didn't want to think about what happened at lunch anymore. "How was your day?"

"Fine." Kasuka responded as unemotionally as ever. He never really showed that much emotion, he was always so calm compared to Shizuo who didn't understand that.

Shizuo gazed back forward and then placed a hand behind his head to rest it there as he walked. "Did anyone bother you?" he felt like he asked this question every day. He practically did, but only because he wanted to make sure that no one picked on his brother. That was the one thing that he couldn't stand.

"No." he said even though Shizuo wasn't sure he really believed him. Kasuka seemed to say that every time, even if someone had picked on him. He never really wanted to draw any attention to himself, and with who his brother was, that was sort of difficult.

"Alright…" Shizuo mumbled. They walked a little farther in silence before Shizuo spoke again, he knew that if he didn't then it would be silent the whole way. He didn't mind the silence but he liked talking with his brother also. He was the only one he felt completely close to. He was the only one besides Shinra who didn't think he was a monster or a freak because of his abnormal strength. It's not like he asked for it, he just couldn't control his anger no matter how hard he tried. When he got angry, he snapped, and he was lost. There was no bringing him back until he calmed down.

He was actually afraid of it sometimes, he was afraid he might hurt his brother unintentionally or his mom or dad. He was afraid that one day he would lose it but never be able to calm down. He was scared of his own strength, and he didn't have anyone who really understood him. Who really understood what it was like to be this way, because to him it was a curse. If he could, he would have it taken away from him. He just wanted to be normal. Having this incredible strength just made everyone afraid of him, and because of this he barely had any friends. Everyone who looked at him got this terrified expression on their face. No one knew what it was like to have everyone be afraid of you and everyone avoid you.

But maybe it was better that way, maybe it was for the best if everyone avoided him and he had no friends. Because what if he hurt one of them? There was no telling what could happen If he lost his temper with one of them. He could kill them.

"Shizuo…?"

Shizuo looked to his brother who was standing in front of him. He hadn't realized he'd stopped walking, his thoughts had just escaped from him… he smiled sheepishly at Kasuka. "Sorry! I didn't realize I stopped walking!" he then picked up his pace again and scratched behind his head like he was embarrassed.

"Are you ok?" Kasuka asked calmly while walking next to his brother.

"Yeah! Fine!" he lied. The last thing he wanted to do was worry his brother about how he was feeling, even if he could tell he wasn't fine. He just had a lot on his mind, and he didn't exactly know how to deal with it all. He didn't understand what was going on with him and he didn't really know what to do. But the last thing he wanted to do was worry his brother about this.

Kasuka gazed at him a moment longer then turned his attention back forward, their house coming into view.

Once they passed the gate, Shizuo closed it shut then they walked up the steps and through the front door.

"Mom? We're home!" Shizuo shouted as he and his brother removed their shoes and walked into the kitchen.

Their mother smiled softly at them from the counter. "How was your day?" she asked, glancing between the both of them.

"Fine." They both said. Shizuo dropped his bag on the ground near the table then sat down in the chair and rested his chin on his arm over the table.

Kasuka sat down next to him but didn't say anything, just pulled out a notebook that looked to have some kind of homework in it and started working on it.

"What's wrong dear?" she asked, while placing down two glasses of milk in front of them then placing a hand on Shizuo's shoulder.

"Nothing." he said then stood up, slung his bag back over his shoulder and took the glass of milk and walked out of the kitchen. For some reason he just felt like being alone right now. His thoughts from before were still bothering him. Shizuo stomped up the stairs then walked into his small bedroom and shut the door behind him. He dropped his bag down on the ground then walked over to the window seal and sat down on the bench in front of it. He placed the glass down on the window seal then put his elbow up on it and stared outside.

The view from his window always somewhat calmed him; it made him feel a little bit more at peace with himself. He was so conflicted all the time that it was a nice change. He just didn't know what to do, what really was there for him to do? He couldn't change who he was. He couldn't just have this weird strength taken away from him. He hadn't asked for it, he didn't want it. It made everyone afraid of him. He didn't want that. He hated feeling like everyone was scared of him. He might as well just be locked up for being the monster that he was, it just wasn't fair.

And no one understood this. Shinra thought it was "cool" he had so much strength. Well it wasn't. It was far from that, it was the worst thing to ever happen to him. The only thing he could do with his strength was protect his brother, but even that came at a cost of breaking his bones and hurting others. He didn't even like violence, but he couldn't stand anyone hurting his brother. When he snapped, he just couldn't control himself anymore. He went on a rampage, and after it was all over… he felt even more alone and in even more pain because he realized that more people had become afraid of him.

Shizuo picked up the glass with his right hand and downed half of it; he held the glass a little longer, just staring out the window. He began wondering if anything would change having Izaya around. Izaya didn't know anything about him yet, and despite Shinra stating he had abnormal strength, he doubted that Izaya even believed him. As much as Izaya somewhat annoyed him, he couldn't help but wonder about him. Like he'd thought before there was something different about Izaya that made Shizuo curious, yet annoyed by this curiosity. All of the other new students he'd barely even given a second glance to. So what made Izaya so special? Maybe it was because he was so different than the others; he didn't turn out to be as loud and irritating.

He wasn't really sure what to think about him right now, but Shizuo had a feeling that things were going to change with Izaya around. And he wasn't sure if it was going to be for the better or for worse.


	2. Chapter 2, Snapped Second

**Review replies**

**Kiyoumi: **_Thank you for your review, I very much appreciated it. Like I said before, I was really unsure about their personality's since I don't know exactly how they were as children. To your question, yes, it will be going on into their high school years later on._

**RavenBlackRoses: **_Yes, I know. I tend to repeat things but word it differently. When I'm writing, I don't realize I'm doing this but after I read it over I'll notice... it annoys me but I guess its just how I write. Sorry if It bothered you, I'll try to work on it. Also thank you for reviewing, it meant a lot._

**Magicalgirl100591: **_Thank you very much for your review. It made me happy to see that you enjoyed my writing so much. I'll try to keep it up. I've actually been writing for about three years, but I just don't post them on fanfiction._

**Kuhruru:** _Thank you for your review. They do seem kind of depressed don't they? Well I'm sure things will get better~_

**VampieraGrave: **_Yes, for some reason I can't spell Shizuo. Thank you for telling me, I went back and fixed it. I'm sorry this caused confusion for you but thank you for reviewing and telling me._

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><p><strong>AN:** _Thank you again to those of you who reviewed, I'll keep posting chapters as long as I feel like the story is liked._

_Enjoy~_

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><p><em>~ Chapter 2 ~<em>

_-Snapped Second-_

The classroom was almost completely silent, the only sounds were of pages turning and the slight movement of someone adjusting in their seat. Today was one of the days where they read in class, the stories were always extremely long and boring and Shizuo always had a hard time actually staying awake reading them. Maybe if they were about something he actually cared about or at least interesting then he wouldn't have this problem. In general he hated reading, it was boring and he had trouble really seeing the images in his head. He was kind of jealous of Shinra who was able to just dive into a book and not even realize you were talking to him unless you poked him a few times or shoved him over.

At hearing the classroom door suddenly open, Shizuo looked up from the book, desperately wanting to have something else to think about then that. Most of the class had also looked up and to the door to see a slightly out of breath Izaya. Shizuo had been wondering for a while if he was going to show up today, not that he didn't think he would, it was just weird for the new kid to be late to class on only their second day here. And he was breathing heavily, had he ran?

Without a word, Izaya walked silently through the desks of others who were staring at him and to his seat. Once he sat down, Mr. Hitajika was already in front of his desk. Placing down a book in front of him but giving him a not so friendly look.

"And why are you late?" he asked, Mr. Hitajika was always pretty strict with tardiness. He'd always mentioned something about how he was "preparing them for high school". Apparently if you were late there, it was much worse.

Izaya gazed up at him then back down at the book, he hid his face under his hair so that only his mouth was visible. But that barely gave off how he was feeling. "I'm sorry." Was all he said, not giving a reason for his tardiness.

Mr. Hitajika gazed down on him a moment longer then said "Page 25 to 35." before stepping away and back to his desk, continuing what he had been working on beforehand.

Shizuo couldn't help but glance over to Izaya. After a minute he lifted his head slightly and opened the book to the page they had been assigned to begin reading on. He wondered what could have caused him to be late; did he really live that far away? And couldn't his mom or dad bring him if he lived so far away? He wasn't sure exactly how late he was, but he was positive it had been at least ten minutes into class. Just before Shizuo looked away, Izaya shifted his shoulders slightly and it was then Shizuo noticed what looked like a bruise on his neck but it was mostly hid by the coat he wore. Had he gotten hurt? Maybe he'd fallen on the way here. He knew he would never actually ask Izaya about it, so all he could do was wonder.

Even though he couldn't see Izaya's face very well, he could tell something was wrong. Even though he was sitting now, his breathing was still uneven. Shizuo wasn't sure what had really happened to him, but it bothered him. The fact that he was late bothered him, the fact that he might have gotten hurt on his way here bothered him. And what made it all worse was he didn't know why it all bothered him so much. He wanted to know what was going on, but he would never ask. Maybe Shinra might bring it up over lunch since he was known to put his nose where it didn't belong anyways.

When Izaya finally caught onto Shizuo's staring, he glanced over to him with extremely dull eyes. His expression was one Shizuo had never seen before, he couldn't read it. He looked so… blank. There wasn't a single trace of emotion on his face yet he could tell something was wrong. Something was not right with him. Shizuo quickly looked away after that and down to his book, but he didn't start reading. His mind was filled with different questions and barely any reasonable answers to them. But he didn't like the feelings coursing through his body and mind right now, he felt uneasy. Just Izaya's presence was giving off some kind of strange vibe he had never felt before. He wasn't even sure of a word for it, but it didn't feel right at all.

It might just be him, he might just be imagining all of this, but he felt like something had happened to Izaya. Not just that he was late, something else. And it bothered him, irritated him that he didn't know what it was. And it was even more aggravating that he was acting like he cared so much about Izaya when he barely even knew him. He didn't know what kind of life he had, so how could he make any assumptions like that? He didn't even have a right to. But he still couldn't help but care. Even though Izaya was kind of annoying to him, he couldn't stop feeling this way. There was something deep down that wanted to take whatever had caused this to happen to Izaya and smash it to pieces. He wanted to destroy whatever it was so that it would never happen again, because he didn't like Izaya like this. He didn't like it at all.

xXxXx

"So did you bring a lunch this time?" Shizuo asked as soon as Izaya and Shinra sat down in front of him.

Izaya shook his head just like the day before.

Shizuo gazed at him a moment, trying to figure out if he should ask what that was about but decided against it. Instead he pulled out a container of another vegetable he hated, spinach, and placed it down in front of Izaya along with the chopsticks his mom had packed. He quickly turned his attention to Shinra and glared to insure this time he didn't say anything about him sharing his food again. He couldn't help that he just felt bad for Izaya. He knew he'd hate if he didn't have anything to eat for lunch, and he didn't like spinach anyhow. So it was like a win, win situation. There was no need for Shinra to have any input on this at all. So he was sharing his lunch, big deal.

Izaya stared at the container a minute then gazed up at Shizuo. "You don't have to keep giving me your food."

Shizuo turned his attention back to Izaya. "I know."

Izaya watched him for a few seconds then smiled more than he had the other day. "Thanks." he said then picked up the chopsticks, removed the lid on the container, and started eating silently.

Shizuo shrugged off his thanks as best he could but again felt his cheeks slightly reddened from the single word. He glared to himself while pulling out a container of noodles that had some vegetables and meat mixed into it. He didn't get why he reacted that way, but he couldn't help it. Again this was something else that he questioned about himself and didn't understand at all. He'd never acted this way around anyone; his face had never gotten red from hearing a "thanks". But he tried to just not think too much on it right now.

"So what was up with you running into the classroom like that?" Shinra asked curiously. "Did you have to run from home?"

Shizuo cautiously looked up from his lunch to listen more intently into their conversation. He knew Shinra would ask, but would Izaya actually tell him the real reason? He didn't seem like one to just talk about his life freely. There was still so much about Izaya he didn't know, and he couldn't deny how curious it made him. Izaya wasn't like an open book; he couldn't tell what kind of personality he really had. It was like he was just one big mystery.

Izaya stayed silent, like debating on what to say for many moments. He then looked up at Shinra and replied. "Yeah."

"Oh? Really? Your mom or dad couldn't take you?" he asked, sticking some food in his mouth but still looked at Izaya with a surprised expression. Why was he so surprised? It was pretty obvious that's what had happened.

Izaya then looked back down to his food. "No." he mumbled then began eating slowly again.

Shizuo couldn't help but think of his brother with his responses. It was almost as if he was just trying to drop the conversation all together. With his brother he was used to it since that was how he was, but he could tell that Izaya wasn't like that. He was really starting to wonder what Izaya was really like, what kind of parents did he go home to? Did he have any siblings? He sort of wondered if he would ever know these things.

It wasn't like he wanted to be friends with Izaya though! No way. He just… was really curious. That was all. Who wouldn't be curious of someone like him though? He was a new kid, it was pretty normal to be curious about him. But Shizuo wasn't one to go around asking everything about him, that was Shinra's job and he was surprised he hadn't bombarded him with questions yesterday. Maybe Shinra was getting the same kind of vibe that he was getting. He wondered if he ever even asked Izaya about his life, if he would even give him a straight answer, or the truth. He didn't exactly think that Izaya was a liar, but he could imagine why he might bend the truth.

Shizuo wasn't even sure what he should feel towards Izaya. He was annoyed by him, yet he cared about him. So he couldn't call him an enemy, but he couldn't call him a friend either. He was just stuck in between. He wondered which way Izaya would go, would he become his friend? Or would be become his worst nightmare?

xXxXx

Unfortunately, Kasuka had gotten sick with food poisoning so he had stayed home today. And Shizuo had to admit, that walking out of the school's doors and not seeing his brother waiting for him in the courtyard was… weird. He was so use to him always being there, that it didn't feel right walking home without him. He knew it was probably going to be an extremely long walk too. At least with his brother there he was able to just talk about whatever, even if Kasuka didn't respond that much at least he was getting it off his chest.

He'd never had food poisoning before, so he didn't know what it was really like. But it must be horrible because his brother had been throwing up most of last night and this morning he couldn't even get out of bed. He felt really bad for him, and he wished there was more that he could do to make it go away. But there wasn't. His mom had said that he should be well enough to actually be able to get out of his bed. Though Shizuo wasn't sure, he had seemed really sick this morning when saying goodbye to him before going to school.

Shizuo sighed, beginning his walk towards the school's gates. He was already dreading this walk, he hated walking home alone. It wasn't like he was afraid; it was just kind of lonely since he was so use to his brother always being with him.

Just before he reached the school gates, he realized he'd forgotten to grab his book from class today. They had homework to read a few pages and he'd been trying really hard not to fail this year. Shizuo stopped, glared at the ground then kicked his foot against the pavement angrily and turned back around, heading back inside the school.

He hated when he forgot things, especially when it was something to do with school. Normally he wouldn't have even thought twice and just kept walking, but he'd promised his mom he'd do better this year and actually try harder. So that was what he was doing.

Pushing past the doors he nearly ran into Shinra who happened to be leaving.

"Hey, Shizuo-kun! Whatcha doin' going back into the school? I would have thought you would be home by now!" he asked with a laugh.

Shizuo didn't stop walking, he wanted to be home right now but he had to go and forget his book. "I forgot something." he yelled over his shoulder then proceeded up the stairs towards the classroom.

It was only about ten minutes after school let out and he was amazed that the hallways were so barren. Normally they were pretty lively, so seeing no one was a surprise. There didn't seem to be any other students around, it was like once the day had ended they'd all but evaporated. He would glance inside each classroom he passed and to see it empty was strange, only because he was so use to them being completely full during school hours.

Shizuo walked as fast as he could back to the classroom, hopefully the door was still open so he could get his book and just get out of here. He just wanted to get home, check on his brother, and go to his room. Doing this was probably on the very bottom of the list of things he didn't like or want to do.

When he noticed he was about three classrooms away from his he almost felt relived. But it was then he heard a scraping sound, like one of the metal chairs being dragged on the ground and then a noisy crash right after that. And it sounded close. Shizuo stopped walking for a moment before he could hear what sounded like laughter. He glanced into the classroom window he was standing next to and didn't see anyone, so he walked slowly up to the next classroom but moved closer to the wall so that if someone was inside, they couldn't see him.

When Shizuo looked inside the second classroom his brown eyes widened. There were about three boys standing in front of another boy who was sitting down on his knees in front of them. He stared at the scene a little bit longer, listening to the insults and teasing the boys were saying and noticing how one of them was kicking the boy sitting on the ground. When Shizuo caught a glimpse of the boy who was being teased, every emotion except one quickly drained out of his body.

He only felt complete rage. Shizuo gritted his teeth and tightened his hands together so tight that his knuckles turned white. He dropped his bag onto the ground and walked in front of the closed door. Without a second thought he kicked it in, the door flying through the room and landing on the opposite wall near the boys. When they turned to look at him, Shizuo was already holding a desk above his head and was completely seething with anger.

"Get out!" he shouted angrily, throwing the desk towards them but it missed one by only a few inches.

They didn't hesitate quickly running past Shizuo with terrified expressions and out of the classroom.

Shizuo then focused his attention to Izaya, who was still silently sitting in the corner of the classroom and gazing down at the ground. How could he have just taken all of that? Letting them insult him that way and hurt him! He wanted to kill those stupid boys! They were so lucky the desk had missed and they had left or he might have seriously hurt them. But now that it was all over, and his anger was subsiding, his foot was starting to throb and his arms felt incredibly sore. Especially the left one that had already been broken. If he wasn't so use to this by now, it would have been a lot worse.

When Izaya looked up, he gazed around the room like he'd been asleep. Seeing the door on the other side of the room and the desk sitting near it. He then turned his attention to Shizuo.

Instantly, Shizuo regretted it all. He'd done exactly what he hadn't wanted to. He hadn't wanted Izaya to know about this. He wanted Izaya to think he was normal. Shizuo's eyes slowly widened in the realization of all of this. What had he done? A new feeling was swelling inside of him, slowly growing and taking over him. He wasn't sure what this feeling was, but it was incredibly uncomfortable. His heart started beating twice as fast as normal, he almost felt afraid.

No. He _was_ afraid. He was terrified of what Izaya would think of him now. Their relationship was about to completely change no matter what happened, and Shizuo had a feeling he already knew what was going to happen.


	3. Chapter 3, Pretend Monster

**Review Replies:**

**Magicalgirl100591:** _I know, its kind of nice to see them as friends right now. I'm happy you enjoy my story so much and I appreciate the review._

**Kiyoumi:** _Ah, well we don't find out what's going on with Izaya for a few more chapters. Thank you for reviewing._

**RavenBlackRoses: **_:\ poor Izaya, things will eventually get better though so don't worry. Thank you for reviewing._

**Hokuragi:** _I'm glad you're enjoying my story, I hope you continue to. Thank you for reviewing._

**RavensPoeticSoul: **_Well, I actually am not sure how long this story will be. I have a lot planned for later years so, I guess somewhere over 20 chapters. I'm glad you like my story, thank you for your review._

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><p><strong>AN: **_So I decided to start naming my chapters, I don't really like doing it but I figure why not? Thank you again to the reviewers and everyone who has alerted and favorited my story, it means a lot to me._

_Enjoy~_

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><p><em>~ Chapter 3 ~<em>

_-Pretend Monster-_

"He was telling the truth…" Izaya muttered, still gazing at Shizuo. "You really do have unnatural strength…"

Shizuo turned away from Izaya, feeling ashamed. He knew he couldn't help but have this power, but he already knew where this was headed. "Go ahead and call me a freak already… just like everybody else." he was ready to hear it, ready to embrace the pain like so many other times.

"But…" Izaya slowly stood; he almost fell to the ground again but managed to stable himself enough to take a few steps closer to Shizuo. "Why would I do that?"

Shizuo clenched his fists. "Because I am." he growled, trying to keep back from letting his emotions take control of him. He was so close to the edge, he was nearly about to fall into the dark abyss of his anger. He couldn't get angry again… not now… he was doing all he could to keep it inside but it was incredibly hard.

Izaya took a few more steps so that he was right behind Shizuo. "I don't think you are."

Shizuo completely froze. What…? What did he say?

"You aren't a monster Shizuo-kun… you saved me."

He couldn't be hearing him right… it was impossible… impossible… completely impossible. _Impossible…_

"Monster's don't save people, do they?"

No… this couldn't be real… this wasn't reality. He was a monster. A freak.

"Plus… I-I think you're too nice to be a monster…"

Stop. Stop it. What… what is he doing? What game is he playing at?

"And… I even… consider you my friend… so… I would never call my friend a monster. Even if it were true."

He couldn't take it. These words, his reaction, it was all so unexpected. He didn't know what to do, what was he supposed to feel? How was he supposed to react? When he let go, he realized it wasn't anger he was holding back. When tears began streaming down his cheeks was when he realized it wasn't anger, it was something completely different. He had been trying to shield himself from reality. Trying to keep himself from believing what he was hearing. His mind was telling him it was all lies, that he was a monster and always would be.

But here was Izaya, telling him otherwise and he felt happy. But if he was happy, he couldn't figure out why he was crying.

Izaya side stepped so that he could look at Shizuo's face, even though he had lowered it so that his brown hair was over his eyes, tears still slipped down his face and Izaya could clearly see this. "What's wrong Shizuo-kun? Why are you crying?"

"I'm not!" he quickly snapped and pushed Izaya away then began furiously wiping at his eyes. "I'm not crying! I don't cry!"

Izaya laughed lightly.

Shizuo looked up at Izaya, that was the first time he had heard him laugh, even though it was faint he felt his heart pick up beating. "What are you laughing at?"

Izaya quit a moment later then smiled at Shizuo. "You."

Shizuo quickly looked away with a blush. "S-Shut up!"

"But you asked me what I was laughing at." he answered honestly.

"Well… you didn't have to be honest about it!" Shizuo couldn't figure out why his face was getting so warm but it was frustrating. He didn't understand it at all.

There were a few short minutes of silence before Izaya spoke.

"Can I call you Shizu-chan?" he asked timidly, a soft blush coming over his cheeks.

Was he giving him a nickname? No one had ever wanted to call him that; he wasn't really sure how he felt about it. Shizuo gazed back at Izaya, when he saw that he was kind of blushing too he felt his heart beat even faster and a thought entered his mind that completely freak him out. For a split second he thought Izaya looked… _cute._ Though he quickly forced that thought out of his mind, he didn't know why he had thought that but never again would he bring it up.

Shizuo raised an eyebrow at him. "And how come?"

Izaya seemed at a loss for words a moment then thought of something. "I don't know… I like it better than saying your name." he admitted. "Not saying that anything is wrong with your name, just-"

"I get what you mean." he then sighed and thought it over. It wasn't like it was really doing any harm. "I guess you can call me that if you really want to."

"Really?" Izaya asked, seeming a little bit happier at having his request not denied.

Shizuo shrugged. "Yeah sure." he may have sounded calm about it, but on the inside he was feeling like he was going to blow up. All these different thoughts were rushing through his head and he didn't really know what to focus on. He didn't think much of the nickname at first, but the more he said it in his head, the more he liked it. But he only wanted Izaya to call him that. No one else.

Izaya smiled. "Alright, Shizu-chan."

Shizuo gazed at Izaya, he had never really looked at him when he smiled because he was too busy trying to hide his blush. But since it was already on his face, what did it matter? He didn't realize how much he liked seeing Izaya smile. For some reason it filled him with some kind of strange happiness. He didn't get these feelings, why was Izaya suddenly making him so happy without even saying anything? He had never felt like this to anyone else. He didn't understand it at all. What did this mean? Maybe he should ask someone about it, he wasn't sure who, but that was the only thing he could think to do.

"Well... we should probably leave." he stated, not really wanting to stay here any longer. He had a feeling the school would find out he did this to the classroom anyways, but he rather not be here if a teacher showed up.

The smile quickly disappeared from Izaya's face. "You're right. I really need to get home."

They both left the classroom, Shizuo picking up his backpack and deciding against going to get the book he had come in here to get. So he didn't do the reading, he would just have to have some extra homework tomorrow. The two of them quickly walked through the school, there wasn't a soul there until reaching the bottom level where a janitor passed by them and a few teachers. Outside and at the gate, they both stopped and glanced at each other.

"Which way do you go?" Shizuo asked. Maybe if he went the same way, they could walk together.

Izaya pointed left. "My house is about ten minutes away."

Shizuo almost smiled at the fact that they lived in the same direction, maybe he lived closer then he thought to him. "We go the same way then." Shizuo admitted, beginning to walk the way Izaya had pointed.

Izaya smiled lightly and followed after him. "That's nice."

"Huh?" he glanced to the side as they walked. Curious as to what he meant.

Izaya looked over to him with the same smile. "It's nice that I get to walk with you."

"Oh." he mumbled then turned his attention back forward. Trying to keep his reddening cheeks at bay. He didn't get why he was blushing so much and that was starting to really annoy him. He didn't understand why Izaya was being so nice to him. All he did was save him from a few kids, and now all of a sudden they were friends? Izaya had said that he considering him a friend, but they hadn't even known each other more than two days. How could you be friends with someone you barely knew? But… he didn't really mind it. He kind of liked that Izaya was calling him his friend.

"Normally I walk alone so it's kind of nice to have someone with me." he said while also turning his head forward to look at the sidewalk ahead of them.

"My brother and I always walk to and from school together, maybe you could walk with us?" he offered timidly. He wasn't sure if it was really a good idea, but he couldn't think of anything else to say. He liked just his brother and him walking to and from school together, but he guessed it wouldn't hurt if Izaya was with them.

Izaya acted surprised by this, but quickly shook his head. "No, that's ok."

"You sure? It's probably kinda boring walking alone isn't it? I really don't mind, and neither would my brother." Why was Izaya declining? They were friends weren't they? It wasn't like there was some kind of catch to this.

Izaya smiled wearily. "It's fine. I'm use to walking alone anyways!"

"Alright…" Shizuo chose to just drop the subject; he didn't want to annoy Izaya with it so much when clearly he wasn't going to change his mind.

"So um… where is your brother?" Izaya questioned.

"Huh? Oh he's sick. He got food poisoning last night." Shizuo said. He really hoped by now he was better.

Izaya frowned. "I'm sorry. That must be horrible… what is food poisoning?" he asked curiously.

Shizuo laughed. "To be honest I don't really know. My mom says it's something bad in food that makes you sick."

"Ohhh… well I hope he gets better soon." Izaya stated, still frowning to himself.

"My mom said he should be better tomorrow. I really hope so. This morning he couldn't even get out of bed." Shizuo explained. "And last night he kept throwing up."

"Wow that sounds really bad. I hope he gets better too." he admitted, clear remorse in his voice. "What grade is your brother in?"

"Fourth. He's only a year younger than I am." Shizuo smiled to himself. "But even though he's younger than me, he's still smarter than me." It wasn't really a surprise; pretty much everyone was smarter than him. Or that was how he felt.

Izaya laughed a little bit also. "I'm sure that's not true! You just… have to give the effort and you can learn whatever you want to."

"Eh, yeah I know." It wasn't really that he didn't want to learn anything, it was simply he just didn't really have the motivation to want to. "I don't really care I guess. I've always hated school."

"I think everyone hates school!" Izaya added with another laugh. "But… do you know what you want to do when you get older?"

He hadn't even really thought about that. Shizuo shrugged. "I don't know. I haven't given it any thought."

Izaya nodded once and looked up at the sky. "Me neither."

Shizuo glanced over to Izaya and noticed him looking up at the sky like it was the most interesting thing in the world. He turned his head and also looked up at it. The sky was so blue, there weren't even any clouds. He never really noticed how blue the sky was either, it was kind of amazing. When he walked with his brother, he never really looked up at the sky. Normally he was always looking forward and just focused on going home, he'd never really just relaxed. He was just so tense about someone coming out of nowhere and trying to hurt his brother. Shizuo glanced back at Izaya, what was with him. How was he able to make him feel so different? He was the first person to ever make him feel like this, he didn't know if he liked it or not.

"But I wanna do something that involves a lot of people." Izaya mentioned, slightly breaking Shizuo out of his thoughts.

"Really? How come?" Shizuo questioned, still looking at him with slight curiosity. He didn't seem to be the kind of person to like being around people.

Izaya shrugged. "I don't know. I just like humans."

Shizuo laughed out loud at that. "What?"

Izaya turned from the sky to smile cheekily at him then turned his attention to the sky again like it was some kind of magnet. "I guess it's silly isn't it?"

"It's kinda weird. Does that mean you like everybody no matter what?" Shizuo asked. This was kind of strange, he'd never heard anyone say that they liked humans in general.

"In a way… I guess." Izaya began. "I don't really know how to explain it. I just do… no matter what they may do to me. I guess I just like seeing how everyone reacts differently to different things. I like how there are so many different kinds of people out there. But there are certain kinds of people I like the best."

Shizuo raised an eyebrow. "Huh, and what kinds of people are those?" he wasn't really sure if he followed Izaya on all this. He clearly had given this all a lot of thought. He didn't really think that much on people. Most everybody was afraid of him, so why should he care about them?

Izaya suddenly stopped walking and looked over to Shizuo. "People like you."

He stopped along with Izaya. "What do you mean by that?" he blurted instantly and began blushing profusely.

Izaya also gained a slight blush at realizing what he said. "You're the most interesting person I've ever met Shizu-chan. I may have not met a lot of people yet… but out of everyone in school and in my life, I like you the best."

Shizuo was lost. How could he say something like that? "We barely even know each other!"

"I know, but I can just tell!" Izaya reached out and took Shizuo's hand. "Right when I saw you I knew right away that I wanted to know you." Izaya held his hand even tighter. "I really like you Shizu-chan."

Shizuo felt like his face was burning up. What was he doing? What was he talking about? How was he even supposed to react to something like this? His mind was reeling with trying to figure out a solution to his questions. What did he mean he really liked him? They were friends, So of course he would like him, but why was he blushing so much at this? And why was Izaya holding his hand like this? What did it all mean? Not really knowing any other way to respond, he pulled his hand from Izaya and pushed him away, causing Izaya to fall to the ground. He stared at him with an expression of shock and confusion before turning and running away from him.

This was the only thing his mind came up with; he didn't know what else to do. He was so confused and he felt so many different things floating through his mind. He didn't dare look back at Izaya, who when he had stared at him, had looked almost hurt. He hadn't meant to. He hadn't meant to…

He hadn't meant to hurt Izaya.


	4. Chapter 4, Conflicting Feelings

**Review replies:**

**RavenBlackRoses:** _Oh no! ;~; I'm sorry... *runs around trying to find the pieces* things will get better!_

**EvilRelena:** _*Nods* Me too. _ But thank you! :3_

**MagicalGirl100591:** _I know! It was kinda hard for me to write Izaya like this, when I was deciding on his personality I was picking between this and a spoiled brat, but I liked this much better! ^^ _

**Kiyoumi:** _^_^ Isn't it? Haha, it was pretty cute wasn't it! o3o_

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><p><strong>AN:** _Gah, thank you for the reviews! I really appreciate them! :) It's so hard for me to get motivated to write this thing but your reviews help so much! I'm really glad you all enjoy the story so far! _

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><p><em>~ Chapter 4 ~<em>

_-Conflicting Feelings-_

As soon as Shizuo got home, he ran up the stairs and into his room without saying a word. He threw his backpack on the ground after his door was shut then moved over to the window seal and sat down. He knew what he'd done was wrong. He felt it in his gut that was turning uncomfortably. Ignoring the pain that had returned to his body after earlier, he folded his arms over the seal and placed his chin down on them while gazing up at the sky. He felt so horrible. Izaya was just being nice, and what does he do? Pushes him away. He always ended up hurting everyone anyways.

What if it was better this way? Maybe it would be better for the both of them if they just weren't friends. He didn't want to hurt Izaya, but it was too late for that. He may not have hurt him physically, but he knew he hurt him inside. He could tell by the look on his face that kept haunting his memory. He felt like such a horrible person. But that wasn't anything new, he already knew how horrible of a person he was. He was a monster after all. This was just what he deserved. He deserved to be alone like this, he deserved to have everyone be afraid of him. This was probably how it was going to be the rest of his life, so he might as well just get used to it.

He still couldn't believe all of the things Izaya had said. There was no way it was all true, he had to be lying. He couldn't have meant any of the things he said, Shizuo knew he was a monster and he knew that was what everyone else thought. Even Izaya, no matter what he may say Shizuo knew that was what he thought. He just didn't want to hurt his feelings by saying it, but in fact it just hurt him more by not saying it. That meant that he was just being lied to.

He hated this so much. Why did this have to happen to him? Why couldn't he be normal? He just wanted people to like him, not be afraid of him. He just wanted friends, people who didn't pretend to like him. He hated this feeling of being so alone and isolated from the rest of the world. Like he wasn't even human, like he didn't have feelings or act the same way as everyone else. The only thing that was different about him was that he was a little bit stronger than the average person at age ten.

Even though he hated his strength, it didn't mean he didn't want to become stronger. That was his goal, he wanted to be stronger. He felt like the stronger he got, the more he would be able to control his anger and not hurt the ones he cared most about. That was his worst fear, of hurting someone he really cared about like his mom, dad, brother… or Izaya. Right now that was his worst fear, and he knew it had come true. He knew he'd hurt Izaya and he completely loathed himself for it.

Shizuo hadn't meant to run away from him, he hadn't meant to push him away. He just didn't know what else to do, he didn't know how to react in a situation like that. What did Izaya mean by he "really liked him?" It wouldn't be as strange if they had known each other for longer. But they had only known each other two days, how could Izaya already like him so much? Today had been the first day they'd even had a real conversation and Izaya was already telling him how much he liked him. Shizuo just didn't understand. Was it possible to already really like someone without even really knowing that much about them?

He couldn't deny that he also really did like Izaya, but he wasn't sure if he would just admit to it like Izaya had. He may for some reason still be really annoyed by him, but he couldn't help but like him. And then there was the strange blushing around him, and even Izaya started blushing too. What did that mean? He never really felt embarrassed but around Izaya sometimes he did, sometimes he just felt really happy to be around him and to see him smile. He knew he would never forget that expression he had earlier that day when coming in late, he had looked just so emotionless that it had actually hurt him to see him that way. He wanted to know what had caused it so that he could make sure it never happened again. Just the thought of it almost made him want to go into a spiraling rage.

Shizuo closed his eyes, when he had been walking with Izaya it had felt so, almost relaxing. When he was with his brother it was kind of tense sometimes, so the fact that he felt so different was strange. He wondered why, and how Izaya was capable to make him feel so different. To make him feel so… he couldn't even think of the words for it. He realized that there was still a lot to Izaya that he didn't know, but he would really like to know. He seemed kind of weird, but interesting. Izaya made him feel all sorts of different things and he wanted to understand why and how.

He wanted to know why when he saw Izaya smile, he felt happy. He wanted to know why when he saw him so emotionless, he felt angry. Did he want to protect him? Since when did he suddenly care so much for him. And then there was that one thought that was trying to surface into his mind again, when he had thought he looked "cute." He still couldn't believe he'd actually thought that, what was wrong with him? You didn't just go around saying you thought your new friend looked cute. As much as he wanted to deny it, he knew that he couldn't. He knew that for some really bizarre reason, he did think Izaya was cute. But he couldn't figure out why he thought this. He didn't know what exactly he thought about Izaya was so cute, but… he really couldn't deny this or it would really bug him.

A sudden knock on his door made him jump slightly and open his eyes, he turned around and gazed at his closed door. "Come in."

The door opened to show his mother looked a little worried. "Are you alright dear? You just came running up to your room."

"Yeah I'm fine." he admitted. He couldn't say it was a lie, because he did feel a little better after thinking some things over, but he still didn't feel that great.

She then smiled lightly at him. "Oh good, I was getting worried. Also your friend Shinra called a few minutes ago, would you like to talk to him?"

Shizuo shrugged. What could he want? "I guess." he said while getting up off the window seal.

"I put the phone on hold for you downstairs." she said then left the room and shut the door lightly.

Shinra never really called him, so he was kind of curious as to what he would want. Maybe it was something to do with the reading he was supposed to be doing, but then again he doubted that because why would he ask him about something like that? Shinra knew he wasn't exactly known for really doing his homework. Shizuo moved away from the window seal and left his room, he treaded lightly through the hall in case his brother was asleep then quickly went down the stairs.

Once he reached the kitchen, he picked up the phone from the receiver and walked out into the dining room. He pressed the green button to take it off hold then put the phone to his ear.

"Yeah?" he asked since he already knew that it was Shinra.

_"Well hey to you too!" _he teased.

Shizuo sighed and rolled his eyes. "So what do you want? If it's about the reading, you're calling the wrong guy."

_"Haha I know that already! I bet you probably forgot your book in the classroom." _

He knew him too well. _Way _too well.

_"I called because I was wondering if you wanted to hang out at the park?" _he asked.

Shizuo was a little surprised; it had been awhile since they'd gone to the park together. And this seemed just so out of nowhere, there had to be a reason for it. Shinra must be getting at something but he just wasn't telling. "Why?" Shizuo asked if not a little skeptically. He was kind of unsure about this.

_"Why? Well isn't it obvious? I just wanna talk with you!" _Shinra admitted as happily as ever.

"About what?" Shizuo almost felt like Shinra knew he had a lot on his mind. Did he? Was this some kind of way to get him to spill his feelings? Shinra always seemed to be trying to pick at him to hear them.

_"Uh, well whatever you want to talk about! It's been awhile since we've gone to the park so I thought we could." _he explained.

Shizuo debated it in his mind a few moments before figuring what the heck. "Alright, I guess."

_"Really? Great! Then I'll meet you there in ten minutes!" _Shinra said quickly then hung up the phone.

Shizuo pulled the phone away from his ear and pressed the red button to officially end the call. He then walked back into the kitchen and placed the phone back onto the receiver. "Hey mom." Shizuo began, turning to face his mother who was preparing dinner.

She looked up from the vegetables she was cutting to give him her attention. "Yes sweetie?"

"Do you mind if I go to the park with Shinra?" he asked, realizing he probably should have asked her first before agreeing to Shinra. Though his mom was pretty nice and didn't really mind all that much.

"Hmm…" she mumbled which meant she was thinking. She gazed back down to the vegetables. "As long as you're home by five."

Shizuo glanced around her to check the time, seeing it was three now. That gave him more than enough time to hang out with Shinra for a little bit then be home in time. "Thanks!" he called while leaving the kitchen. In front of the door he slipped his shoes back out then hurried out to go meet Shinra.

xXxXx

"You're late!" Shinra called from the bench.

"Yeah, yeah." he replied back while walking up to the bench and sitting down next to him. He felt like Shinra was just early. He didn't really know how long it had taken him to walk here, but it must have been more than ten minutes. The park wasn't too crowded, maybe because of the time. There were a few adults standing near the fountain talking with each other and someone playing with their dog and that was it.

Shinra suddenly jumped up and placed two hands on his hips and leaned forward in front of Shizuo to be looking more closely at him. "But I guess it's not really a surprise!" he teased.

Shizuo glared at him. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked while reaching out and grabbing Shinra's arm, squeezing it tightly.

"Ow! Shizuo-kun that hurts!" Shinra whined. "Ow! Stop it! That really hurts you're gonna break my arm please stop!"

Sometimes Shinra was a total wimp. He let go of his arm and rolled his eyes. "I was barely even holding onto your arm."

Shinra began rubbing at the spot Shizuo had been holding with a slightly painful expression. "Yeah but remember you don't exactly have the same strength as someone our age!" after a few moments he released his arm then turned around and looked up at the sky. "Doesn't the sky look amazing today?" he asked but it sounded more to himself then to Shizuo.

Shizuo also looked up. "Yeah I guess…" he then looked down at his lap. He didn't know how many minutes he spend dwelling in his thoughts but eventually he found himself mindlessly asking Shinra something he'd been wondering. "Hey… what does it mean if someone makes you happier than everyone else?"

Shinra took his gaze away from the sky to look down on Shizuo with a very curious expression. "Well that's kind of random, why would you ask something like that? It's so unlike you! Are you turning soft?" he teased playfully.

Shizuo looked up and glared. "I was serious, but forget it." If Shinra was just going to make fun of him for it then he didn't want any of his advice.

"Aww, you know I was just kidding!" he then sat back down next to Shizuo and stayed gazing at him. "What do you mean by that? You must be talking about someone specific. Oh now I'm curious! You've gotta tell me now!"

Shizuo was already beginning to regret brining this up. Shinra was so incredibly nosy that he knew if he didn't tell him, he would never hear the end of it. "You have to promise not to tell anybody else alright? This has to stay between you and me." he said and eyed him. He knew if he didn't make Shinra promise he'd probably go tell everyone he knew.

Shinra nodded once "I promise I won't tell anybody else! Now tell me!"

He stayed quiet for possibly two minutes before speaking again. He didn't realize how hard it was to really say who, he wasn't sure why, he just felt like it was strange… well it sort of was. "Izaya-kun."

"Really?" he almost shouted with excitement right into his ear. "Who would have guessed? I thought you didn't like him!"

"Well at first I didn't… but… I don't know! He just sort of grew on me… and I guess… it was after I saved him from those kids after school was when we had our first real conversation. I started thinking all this weird stuff after… and I just don't get it." Shizuo explained.

"Hmm… maybe if you explained to me everything that happened I can help you more!" he said while leaning closer to him and seeming to be ready to listen intently to whatever he had to say.

Shizuo sighed, he didn't like talking this much. It was so tiring, especially after having so much on his mind before. He didn't feel like spanning a story for Shinra, but it was really his only option if he wanted him to understand what was going on. So he began explaining everything that had happened that day, about most of his feelings. It was weird to just let it all out and tell someone everything, but it also felt like sort of a relief. He didn't realize how hard it really was to hold everything in until he'd finally just spoken his mind.

Shinra stared at him for many moments like mentally registering everything he had just explained and analyzing every little detail and expression Shizuo had made while telling the story. He then smiled at Shizuo and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Sounds like somebody has a crush!"

"A _what?_"

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><p><strong>AN:** _I normally don't leave a note at the end, but if you guys could please maybe spend like a minute hitting the blue button under this, I would really appreciate it. I've been having a super hard time writing the next chapter and hearing your reviews always helps me soooo much! Thanks~_


	5. Chapter 5, Clearly In a Crush

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><p><strong>AN:** _O_O I didn't expect to get so many reviews! Thank you all so very much! *hugs you all* You have no idea how much that helped me with this chapter! I hope that you all like it! I'll work on trying to update sooner~! Things have just been getting... sort of out of hand lately. ^^;; But I'll try my hardest to update for you guys again soon! _

_So please enjoy this chapter~!_

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><p><em>~ Chapter 5 ~<em>

_-Clearly in a Crush-_

"Hey Shizu-chan, are you alright?"

"Huh? What? Yeah, I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"I dunno… you just seem kinda off." Izaya smiled. "Sorry for asking!"

Shizuo gave him sort of a half-smile before looking back down at the not even started worksheet that he was supposed to be working on. He just couldn't focus on it. Shinra, Izaya, and him were all supposed to be working on it together, but it was mostly the other two talking between each other and Shizuo staring off into space. This was the assignment that had been passed out today, for groups of two or three to work together and complete. The assignment was a crossword puzzle using vocabulary words from the stories they had been reading the past two days in class.

Unfortunately Shizuo barely remembered them. The past few days, ever since Shinra and he met in the park to talk his mind had been so off. He'd had hundreds of different thoughts race through his mind and he'd had about three days to think them all over. Things between Izaya and him hadn't changed at all, at first it was a little awkward but things eventually seemed to be forgotten. Shizuo wasn't sure if Izaya had really forgotten about it or thought about it every day, but Shizuo hadn't. He could still imagine that hurt expression over Izaya's face that he had caused, he still remembered it quite clearly.

That had happened on Wednesday, and today was Friday. Finally the weekend was coming up and hopefully they wouldn't be given any homework. Unfortunately Shizuo had homework anyways since he'd neglected to read what he was supposed to. He was just glad he wasn't grounded. The whole incident of the door being kicked in and the desk thrown across the room had reached his parents and he'd gotten a nice long lecture from both his mom and dad about it. But he'd told them it was because a friend was being picked on, and they seemed to understand a little bit more, but didn't dismiss what he did.

His brother had also gotten better and was back in school which made Shizuo more relived. His mom had been right about him. He just hoped that he didn't ever get food poisoning again; it looked like it was horrible. But he was just glad that it had passed by so quickly and he didn't have to walk to or from school alone.

The cast over his arm had been removed also, since it wasn't really in effect after throwing the desk. His arms were still sore but nothing that wouldn't go away within a day or so. He was honestly kind of amazed he hadn't broken anything. That must mean he was getting stronger, but at the cost of violence. He wished there was another way, but he couldn't help it. He knew that it would just keep happening, he would keep getting angry and probably break more bones until soon he was strong enough to not ever need a cast again. He wondered when that day would be, how much stronger could he really get? And could he really do it? Could he really keep going on like this? Would he really get stronger? He hoped. He really did. And with his strength he would protect everyone he cared about. His mom, dad, brother, and Izaya.

Shinra had explained to him what a crush was since he hadn't really known. He'd heard the term before but always thought that it just meant to destroy, and he didn't like it since it sounded like violence. In fact he still remembered most of their conversation they had those few short days ago…

xXxXx

_"A what?"_

_ Shinra laughed. "Yeah! A crush!"_

_ What was that? It sounded like something really bad. "What is a crush?"_

_ Shinra stared at him in shock for many moments. "You don't know what a crush is?"_

_ Shizuo shook his head. Was he supposed to?_

_ "That's really surprising! I thought everyone knew… well it's just a term people use when they really like someone." Shinra began explaining. "So in your case Izaya-kun, you must really like being around him then?"_

_ Shizuo faintly blushed. "Well yeah…"_

_ "And he makes you happier than others right?"_

_ "Yeah…"_

_ "And you must want to kiss him right?"_

_ Shizuo instantly jumped up, he may not know what a crush meant, but he knew was kissing was. "No!" he shouted at him with an even darker shade of red over his cheeks. There was no way in a million years he'd ever kiss anybody! _

_ Shinra smirked. "Your face is saying something totally different Shizuo-kun! I bet you wanna kiss him!" he began teasing and laughing at the same time. "Izaya-kun and Shizuo-kun, sitting in a tree-_

_ "SHUT UP!"_

_ xXxXx_

That was pretty much how it all went, Shinra wouldn't stop teasing him about it. He still hadn't let up with it either, whenever he looked up at him and Izaya was near, he'd mouth that stupid song to him. It made him want to break his finger. Somehow he kept back from doing so. He didn't want to kiss Izaya! That was gross! Kissing was gross. He just may have a crush on him, but that didn't mean he wanted to kiss him. He didn't deny that he thought Izaya was… _cute. _Like a teddy bear or puppy dog cute and that he really felt like he could say he did have a crush on him, but there was no way he'd ever tell Izaya. Even thinking about it was embarrassing enough.

He wondered if Izaya had a crush on him too, even though it wasn't very likely. Before he'd run away and hurt him the other day, he'd said that he really liked him. Was that just another way of saying that he had a crush on him too? He didn't want to just make an assumption like that, but what if it was true? What if Izaya felt the same way he did? Wondering about it he knew wouldn't change a thing. But he couldn't help it; this really made him kind of curious. Shizuo also hoped that Shinra kept his word and didn't tell anybody. If he told Izaya, he felt like his life might as well be over. He'd probably die from embarrassment, even if Izaya did feel the same way as him. Shizuo wanted to be the one to tell him, not Shinra.

Shizuo neither could still believe that Izaya had forgiven him so easily for just running away from him like that. He knew that he had hurt him, yet when he went to apologize the next day he just brushed it off with a smile and said that it was fine. He wondered if Izaya still felt the same way, did he still like him as much? He didn't seem any different except for a bit more friendly and talkative now, but that was good wasn't it? He just wished he could tell if Izaya was still hurt. He wished that he could just look inside him and tell, and if he was still hurt just be able to fix it instead of Izaya hiding it. Sometimes it made him feel uneasy that Izaya may still be upset and Shizuo knew nothing about it.

Shizuo wanted to bring it up again, and if fact he had tried to the other day, but Izaya really just wouldn't talk about it. He would say "it's ok" or "it's fine, really don't worry about it!" but this all just made him wonder more. Was it really all ok? Was it really? Or had he seriously hurt Izaya and now Izaya secretly despised him for it. What if Izaya didn't like him anymore? What if he was just pretending? What if he regretted everything he said before about him not being a monster, and being friends? What if he wanted to take that all back now?

He honestly wouldn't be surprised. He was a monster, and even though Izaya had said otherwise, no matter what, he knew deep down that he forever would be. He would always be different then everyone else and be called as such. No matter what Izaya said, that didn't change the fact that everyone was still going to be scared of him, it didn't change that everyone was still going to call him a freak. It didn't hurt any less… by now he knew he should probably just be used to it, but could you really get used to being called names like that? He may act like it didn't affect him, but deep down it stabbed a little bit at his heart. But what did any of that matter? He was a monster after all, monsters didn't deserve to have friends or be happy.

"Shizuo-kun?" Shinra called, waving a hand in front of his face.

Shizuo snapped out of his thoughts and looked at the boy who was looking a little worriedly at him. "What?"

Shinra sat back in his seat and frowned. "You sure you're alright? You've just been staring off for like, ten minutes now."

Izaya nodded once in agreement with Shinra's statement. "It's already almost lunch." he added with the same frown that Shinra held.

Shizuo glanced between them and nodded. "Yeah I'm fine."

Shinra and Izaya shared a worried look before shrugging it off.

Izaya then leaned forward to glance at Shizuo's blank paper. "Want to copy off mine?" he asked while gazing at Shizuo.

For possibly three minutes Shizuo just stared at him, it was funny how he had no idea of all the thoughts he had just been thinking. "Sure, thanks."

Izaya smiled lightly. "It's no problem! We're a team aren't we? So we're supposed to help each other!" he then slid his paper in front of Shizuo's so that he could look at the answers him and Shinra had figured out so far.

Shizuo then went to quickly copying down all ten of the words that had been filled into the crossword, once he finished he looked up and nodded at Izaya who brought his paper back in front of him. He glanced over to Shinra who was clearly trying very hard not to say anything by the look on his face, and Shizuo just glared. He seriously better keep his mouth shut or he was ready to twist his arm, and it seemed Shinra noticing Shizuo getting slowly more angry and he quickly looked down to the crossword.

"I think I know what number fifteen across is!" he said while flipping through the books they had sitting next to them and finding a word to point at it.

Izaya looked at the word Shinra was pointing at. "Yeah, I think that's it too." He agreed before writing it down.

Instead of helping like he should have been, Shizuo just placed his elbow on the table and rested his chin on his hand. He didn't even know why they let him be in their group when he didn't do anything. Once they had found all the answers he was just going to copy them down. He didn't get it at all, but right now he just rather not question it.

xXxXx

Once lunch came around, Shinra and Shizuo were the first ones at the table. Shinra apparently didn't need to walk Izaya to the table anymore since he knew where it was, which honestly made Shizuo want to rip his hair out that he had to be alone with Shinra. They hadn't been since going to the park and he knew Shinra was going to unload on the questions, he knew it was coming, he just wasn't sure when. As he began to unpack an orange Shinra looked up from his noodles with a smile.

"So, he calls you Shizu-chan now? How cute!" he gushed.

Shizuo glanced up while peeling the orange. "So what?" he replied in slight monotone. He hoped that if he didn't give that much effort in his reply, Shinra wouldn't be as interested in asking anything.

"Can I start calling you that now?" he inquired curiously, tilting his head to the side without losing his smile.

Shizuo glared. "No."

Shinra snapped his head back and leaned over the table slightly. "Ohh! So you guys have nicknames for each other now? Does that mean you told him?"

"No we don't, he just wanted to start calling me that. And I haven't told him, I don't plan to ever tell him." Shizuo said as the orange peel dropped onto the napkin he'd pull out. He then pulled the orange apart and placed it down on top of the peel.

"Why not? If you never tell him then-"

"So what? It doesn't matter." he replied before he could even finish his sentence. This was probably just some kind of phase, he couldn't say he thought anyone else was cute like Izaya or that he liked to be around so much. But he knew he could never tell him.

Shinra then frowned. "Of course it matters! You should tell him Shizuo-kun."

"No, I'm never going to tell him." he said again, how hard was that to understand? Shizuo picked up a piece of his orange and ate it silently.

"But then if you don't, how will you get married?"

Shizuo almost spit out his orange. "What are you talking about? I'm not gonna marry him!"

Shinra laughed. "Of course you will! After you tell him you like him you'll kiss and get married! Then you gotta let me help you plan it!"

Seeing Izaya nearing the table he picked up one of the orange pieces and threw it at Shinra's forehead. "_Shut up!_" he hissed before Izaya heard them.

Shinra frowned at him and rubbed the spot where the orange had hit him while Izaya sat down next to him with an actual lunch this time. He then picked up the orange piece from his lap and placed it on the table. "That wasn't very nice Shizuo-kun. You don't just throw orange slices at people!"

Izaya laughed then looked at Shizuo. "Why did you do that Shizu-chan?"

Shizuo glared at Shinra. "He was being a pain in the butt that's why."

Izaya laughed again and smiled brightly at Shizuo. "You're so funny!"

He instantly blushed and looked down at his food to hide it. "Am not." he mumbled.

Shinra placed a hand on Izaya's shoulder. "He's just being modest." he murmured to him and smiled after then gazed over to Shizuo. "Of course you are Shizuo-kun, you can make Izaya-kun laugh, and doesn't that make you funny?"

Shizuo knew Shinra was doing this on purpose. He felt himself blush even harder. "Whatever, it doesn't matter." he remarked hurriedly.

Shinra removed his hand from Izaya's shoulder and began eating again, finally seeming to just drop the subject.

The silence between all three of them never really lasted that long, Shinra always had something to say and normally Izaya would add something to it. Shizuo was always pretty silent, he never really had anything to say or to add to what they talked about. Unless it had something to do with him was when he really answered or said anything. When Shizuo looked up, he gazed at Izaya who was eating some kind of sandwich and listening to Shinra ramble on about something. He felt relieved that he had his own lunch today. Ever since the first day he showed up, he never had a lunch so Shizuo always shared some of his. He didn't mind sharing with Izaya, in fact he kind of liked it but he rather him have his own lunch.

Shizuo watched Izaya for a few minutes, he really did like him. He just wished he knew why. He still didn't get really why exactly or how he had a crush on him, but he was sure that he did. Seeing Izaya smile just made him want to smile. Especially when that smile was directed at him, it made him feel like for just a split second that he wasn't the monster that he believed he was. That he was nothing more than just him and that was who Izaya liked him for. For just him. For who he was.

He knew it wasn't possible though. No one could ever really like him; he didn't know why Shinra even hung around him because they weren't friends. Monsters didn't have any friends. When he developed this strength it was already destined that he would be alone. He was already sure that was his future, it was going to be cold and hard but he would continue to live it to become stronger, to become someone worth befriending. To be someone strong enough to protect everyone he cared about. To protect Izaya and his brother from anyone who tried to do them any harm.

"Oh Shizuo-kun, how about we have a sleepover at your house tonight?" Shinra asked excitedly.

Shizuo broke from his thoughts with a surprised expression. "Why?"

Shinra chuckled. "Well why not?" he glanced over to Izaya. "And Izaya-kun, you have to come too!"

The thought of Izaya coming over to his house was enough to make him feel like this was a bad idea. "I don't think it's a good idea."

Shinra frowned. "Aww! Come on Shizuo-kun, please! It'll be fun!"

"I don't think my mom would agree to it." Shizuo said. Even though he was pretty sure his mom would be fine with it, it was the only thing he could think of to say.

"I don't think I would be able to go either." Izaya mumbled while gazing down at his sandwich that he had placed down in front of him.

Shinra glanced between them. "Guys! Come on! How will you know until you ask? This would be really fun!" Shinra gushed happily. Really clearly trying to lift their spirits and convince them to agree.

The other two stayed quiet with their thoughts to themselves, but Izaya was the first to speak.

"I guess I could ask… but I doubt I'll be able to." Izaya admitted with still the same low and quite voice. Like the one he had used when first showing up at school.

Shizuo noticed this; whenever he talked about his family his voice would always change. It made him wonder what his parents were like, maybe they were really strict. He hadn't asked Izaya about them ever because he felt like it was a touchy subject and he didn't want him to feel uncomfortable. Shizuo continued to gaze at Izaya before sighing; maybe this wouldn't end as badly as he thought it may. Maybe he would get to know Izaya better if they weren't really in the school setting or walking home.

"And I guess I could ask my mom." Shizuo finally said.

Shinra threw his hands up and smiled happily. "Great! Now I can't wait!"

Shizuo raised an eyebrow. "What about you? Don't you think your dad will say no?" he asked.

Shinra lowered his arms a moment later but kept his smile. "Nah. I'm sure he won't mind!" Shinra then leaned over to grab his bag and rummage through it for a piece of paper and pencil. Once he found it, he placed his bag down and quickly wrote something out on it and handed it to Izaya who brought his gaze up to look at Shinra and take what was being handed to him.

"What's this?" he asked curiously.

"It's Shizuo-kun's phone number! So once you know you can call him." Shinra said.

"You just give out my phone number like that?" Shizuo growled while almost glaring daggers at Shinra who was keeping the innocent look.

"No… I just figured he would need it to tell you if he can come over or not after asking his parents!" Shinra admitted though he smirked very lightly showing that there was also some kind of hidden meaning which Shizuo already knew he didn't want to know. Especially after what happened earlier.

Shizuo eventually just sighed it off, he would need to know his number anyways. Though he wondered what Shinra could be planning with this, or if it was just something he thought of on a whim. Either way he did hope that Izaya could come, if not then he would be stuck with Shinra. What a pain that would be.


	6. Chapter 6, Sleepover

**Review replies:**

**VampieraGrave:** _Haha no problem! ^^ I updated much sooner today then I normally do since I manged to get this done so quickly! Shizuo is so cute as a kid isn't he~?_

**magicalgirl100591:** _Yeah, that Shinra. XD I really love making him be like goofy and joking around a lot! _

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><p><strong>AN:** _So. I tried very hard with this chapter but I feel like I totally failed! DX Sorry in advance if it seems rushed near the end, I was kind of just really wanting to start chapter 7 already. I'm so impatient *sigh*~! Well thank you to those who have reviewed, favorited, and alerted my story! Much love to you all~! _

_Enjoy~!_

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><p><em>~ Chapter 6 ~<em>

_-Sleepover-_

About ten minutes after he had gotten home, Shinra had called and said that he would be over after dinner which would be about seven. About an hour after that Izaya had called and said he'd be over in a few minutes. His parents obviously didn't care if he ate dinner with them or not. He'd asked his mom before either boys had called and she had been fine with it, but just warned him to ask her a little sooner but then he'd gone to tell her that it was Shinra's idea. She'd laughed at that and said that she understood. His mom knew Shinra pretty well and his kind of behavior. So this meant that it would just be him and Izaya for a few hours together until Shinra showed up.

He wasn't really sure how to feel about this, if to feel excited or worried. He didn't know exactly how he was going to react with spending time alone with Izaya. He had before but it was a little different, if he needed to run away again he wouldn't have anywhere to go. But why would he run away from him again? If he did he knew he would hurt him, he couldn't stand to do that again. Whatever may happen, he knew he was just going to have to face it. At least for a few hours he didn't have to worry about Shinra saying anything that he'd regret. He was sure at some point that Shinra would probably bring it up; it wouldn't surprise him at all. In fact he felt like this sleep over was all so that he could tell Izaya all about his crush and Shizuo would have nowhere to run. But Shinra wouldn't really do something like that, would he?

Shizuo was laying on his bed, his arms and legs spread out while staring up at the white ceiling. After Shinra had called, he'd gone up to his room to clean up a little bit. Before there were clothes and other items spread out all around. If it was just Shinra he probably wouldn't have cared as much, but with Izaya coming over he felt a little bit more self-conscious about his room which he didn't really understand.

He was actually not really expecting Izaya to come over. When they had spoken about it at school, he'd seemed like for sure he knew his parents would say no. He wondered what could have made them say yes then if he was so sure about them saying no. But then again he wasn't exactly sure what to think about his parents, but he already had a hunch that they weren't exactly the best. Did that mean his life at home was hard? He couldn't really imagine what it was like since both of his parents were so kind, except when they got angry about him hurting someone or damaging property. He wished he knew though, he felt bad that he didn't know more about Izaya and yet he was saying that he had a crush on him.

To even have a crush on someone, didn't you need to know at least about their family life? He just couldn't stop himself from feeling like he barely knew Izaya, besides the fact that he seemed pretty nice and friendly but could be shy and exclude himself when he wanted to. Shizuo wanted to know everything. He wanted to know what his favorite food was, his favorite color, when his birthday was, everything, even if it seemed unimportant. Everything about Izaya was important to him, as stupid and cheesy as that sounded it was true. He just wanted to know more because he felt like he didn't know enough. Was that selfish? Wanting to know everything about him? In a way he felt like it was, but he didn't care.

"Shizuo, dear! The door!" Shizuo heard his mom call from downstairs.

Shizuo jumped up from his bed, took a breath, and exited his room. He walked silently through the hall and once he reached the stairs, he felt like there were cement bricks tied to his feet making him move slower and feel like it was harder to walk. He knew that it was Izaya at the door, and he didn't know why he was so nervous. Shizuo clenched his fist then pushed past the tense and nervous feelings and walked down the stairs normally.

In front of the door, he stared at it a moment then reached out and grabbed the handle. He twisted it and pulled it towards him and moved out of the way of the door that showed a lightly smiling Izaya on the other side.

Shizuo gazed at him then scratched behind his head nervously and directed his attention to the path under Izaya's feet. "Hey…" he mumbled.

"Hi Shizu-chan!" Izaya said happily as he walked into the house. "You have a really nice house." he admitted politely while gazing around.

Shizuo shut the door slowly and shrugged, still leaving a hand behind his head. "Yeah… I guess."

Walking into the room, Shizuo's mom smiled at Izaya. "Hello, it's nice to meet you."

Izaya directed his attention at Shizuo's mom, his face for a second showed sadness but he quickly masked it with a smile. "It's nice to meet you too!"

She continued to smile before looking at Shizuo. "Dinner will be ready in about two hours," she turned her attention back to Izaya. "Have you already eaten sweetie?"

Izaya shook his head.

She seemed a little surprised but it didn't stay for that long. "I hope you like Miso soup and Tempura then!"

Izaya nodded his head. "Yes I do." he responded respectfully.

"Great," she focused her attention back to Shizuo "after you drop off his things in your room, why don't you show him around the house?" she stated then walked back into the kitchen and through the back door that lead to the small garden they had in the backyard.

Shizuo then began walking upstairs with Izaya following suit, they went through the hall and once they reached his room he pointed to a spot next to his bed. "You can put your stuff down there."

"Ok." Izaya moved around Shizuo then placed the small bag he'd brought with him next to the bed. He gazed around Shizuo's room curiously then walked over to the window seal. He stood idly a moment then sat down where Shizuo normally sat when he was gazing out the window. No one else had ever sat there, not even his brother. "This view is amazing. I wish I had one like this from my room."

Shizuo walked over to stand behind Izaya and also gaze out the window. "Yeah, it is. This is where I come to just think a lot…" he admitted before he even realized what he'd said. He never told anyone else that, yet why did he feel so comfortable about telling Izaya?

"I can see why, I'd probably stay up all night right here just staring out the window. I bet you can see the moon and everything…" Izaya stated, his voice changing to show he was losing himself more to his thoughts. Kind of like Shizuo was, but he was more aware of what he was saying. Well, after he said it.

Shizuo nodded even though Izaya wasn't looking at him. "You can see everything. It's pretty cool."

Izaya then turned his head to gaze at Shizuo, a light smile on his face and a clear trace of a blush. "Would you sit with me?"

Shizuo was taken back slightly but still blushed faintly. "What do you mean?"

Izaya laughed just as light as his smile was so not to shatter the sudden softness that had taken to him. "At night, would you come and sit with me just to stare at the stars and the moon?"

Shizuo was off guard for the question, but he responded by shrugging and saying. "I… I guess."

"Really?" Izaya's smile seemed to brighten. He then turned his attention back to the window. "That would make me really happy Shizu-chan."

At hearing that, his heart suddenly felt lighter. Again, with simple words and smiles Izaya was able to make him feel suddenly so happy. He didn't understand it, and he wondered if he ever would. Izaya was the only one who could do this to him, who could make him feel like he really was just human.

"So um…" Shizuo trailed slightly, feeling a little embarrassed after what had just been said. "Did you want me to show you around the house?"

Izaya turned his head and nodded with a smile, then jumped up to stand in front of Shizuo.

Shizuo walked out of his room, Izaya following close behind. They went to each door in the hall, either showing him that it was the closest, a bathroom, or his parent's room which they weren't allowed to go into. When he reached his brothers room he knocked lightly on the door.

"Hey Kasuka, can I come in?" Shizuo asked.

There was a long silence which was pretty normal with Kasuka before he responded. "Sure."

Shizuo opened the door to revile his brother's room, his brother sitting at a desk facing the wall and he appeared to be working on some kind of puzzle. Though he did look up and gaze at the two who were now standing in his door way.

"Kasuka, this is my friend Izaya-kun." he said a little awkwardly. He never liked introducing people, it was weird to him.

Kasuka glanced from Shizuo to Izaya and nodded once.

Izaya was about to say something but instead just nodded back at him.

When they closed the door, Izaya glanced to Shizuo.

"Is your brother always that quite?" he questioned.

"Yeah, he's always really calm." Shizuo replied as he began walking down the stairs.

"Wow, that's so strange!" Izaya admitted while following behind Shizuo.

Shizuo stopped and glanced up at Izaya, about ready to glare at him but was keeping it back. He wasn't sure if he was insulting his brother or not, and with Izaya he didn't want to jump to conclusions. "What do you mean by that?" he asked, trying hard not to sound irritated but it failed.

Izaya noticed this and quickly explained what he meant. "I mean, just… you and him are so different! I wouldn't even guess you were brothers."

Shizuo gazed at him a little longer before turning and continuing down the stairs. "Oh. Yeah I know." he responded. He couldn't say that he didn't hear that all the time. Shinra was always making comments about it.

Downstairs, Shizuo showed Izaya the living room, the dining room, another bathroom, the kitchen, he pointed to the garden from the window in the kitchen where his mom and apparently his dad had been out there too but hadn't realized it. After that they walked back into the living room and Shizuo sat down on the couch.

"And that's It." he said with a slight sigh. He never liked doing that. He remembered when Shinra had first come over and he'd done the same thing. Shizuo knew if he didn't his mom would give him a look and then say something about him being a bad host.

Izaya sat down next to Shizuo. "You have a really nice house Shizu-chan, you're so lucky!"

Shizuo glanced over to Izaya, feeling a little curious. He wondered if it was a good time to ask about his family… probably not, so he didn't bring it up. "I guess." he mumbled. Shizuo didn't see how his house was really that great; he thought it was pretty average. He felt like where Izaya live must be worse if he was saying something like that.

"It really is!" he said again, gazing around the living room then focused his attention on Shizuo next to him.

"Well what's your house like?" he asked, he wasn't exactly asking how his family. Just the house he lived in.

Izaya quickly looked away and to his lap, his black hair covering his eyes. "Oh um… it's not really as nice as yours…"

Shizuo didn't like it when Izaya did that, when he was talking to him he liked seeing his face and to see him smile. He searched his brain for something to change the subject so that they didn't have to talk about this anymore since it clearly upset Izaya. "So uh…" he began, still trying to think of something before an idea come to him a few moments later. "How about a game?"

Izaya slowly raised his head. "What kind of game?" he asked curiously but his voice stayed soft.

"I have a game in my room I haven't been able to play since I don't really have anyone else to play it with. I've asked my brother a few times but he's never really that interested in it." he admitted.

Izaya gazed at him for a second then smiled very faintly and nodded his head. "Ok."

Shizuo jumped off the couch and went to the stairs, he didn't even need to look back since Izaya suddenly raced ahead of him which was a little unexpected. At the top of the stairs, Izaya smiled down at him. Shizuo stared back at him before smiling lightly back. He really did like it when Izaya smiled.

xXxXx

After a few hours of playing the board game, they'd gone down for dinner. Shizuo was surprised by how much fun he had playing the game with him, it was one of those bored games where it required you to think a lot, but not so much that it wasn't fun. Izaya had won every round except for one, where Shizuo had barely even won anyways. He wasn't really good at games that required so much thinking, but it was fun anyways. Izaya had seemed really happy, and that in turn had made the game more fun for the both of them.

During dinner it had been a little bit more quite then normal since they weren't used to having a guest. Though Izaya was really polite with his parents which was kind of a change since Shinra acted like he always did, but his parents were used to it. Since there wasn't really that much talking, dinner had gone by pretty quickly and after that Shinra had finally showed up. They spent hours doing all sorts of random things, pretty much anything Shinra could think of since apparently he had all the great ideas.

Currently all three of them sat in the dark living room, it was about ten pm now and were watching some movie about dragons. Shinra had talked through most of the beginning but he finally shut up after neither Izaya nor Shizuo responded to him. Shinra sat on the floor closer to the T.V while Shizuo and Izaya sat on the ground in front of the couch. He was sure that the movie was about over and he was glad, he was starting to get pretty tired.

When he felt a sudden weight on his side, he glanced over to see that Izaya had shifted and was leaning most of his body against him. Shizuo's face reddened and was glad that it was dark so that it wasn't very noticeable. Izaya turned his head to look at Shizuo with sleepy eyes.

"Aren't you tired Shizu-chan?" he asked while placing his chin on Shizuo's shoulder.

"Y-Yeah…" he mumbled then looked at Shinra. "Why don't we call it a night?"

"Are you guys tired already?" he asked, not turning around to look at either of them.

"Well yeah." Shizuo said before suddenly standing so that Izaya was no longer leaning against him, instead had fallen slightly from Shizuo suddenly getting up. He walked to the light switched and flipped it then went to the T.V to turn it off and the DVD player.

"Ehhh…" Shinra groaned as he stood up. "I guess I'm sort of tired too."

Shizuo rolled his eyes then walked out of the living room, Shinra and Izaya no far behind. Once they reached his room, he stayed standing by the light switch. Before the movie had started, they'd all changed into pajamas and had set up sleeping bags on the ground for both Shinra and Izaya. Now he waited for them to get into them before turning the light off.

Shinra jumped into the sleeping bag after removing his glasses and placing them on the nightstand by Shizuo's bed. "Night guys! I hope you don't snore Izaya…" he mumbled while burying himself in his pillow.

Izaya also got into his sleeping bag and laughed slightly. "No I don't." he mumbled before glancing up at Shizuo. "Goodnight."

Shizuo nodded at him. "Night." he said then turned off the light.


	7. Chapter 7, Promise To The Stars

**Review replies:**

**Kiyoumi:** _Really? ^^ Yay I'd glad! Haha I felt kind of cheesy writing these past few chapters. XD_

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**RavenBlackRoses:** _XD Writing them as little kiddies can get pretty cute! I should have put that in the warnings._

**NamiZexi: **_^^ I'm glad you like, and don't worry, you learn about it this chapter!_

**VampieraGrave:** _Haha omg yes I have seen the video! Unf its so cute but sad. ;-; I actually wrote this chapter while listening to that song! XD Though I had planned this part of the story to happen for awhile. Finding that video was like, icing on my cake. XD_

**Mary-chan12:** _Hehe, well I enjoy writing review replies! I like to make all my reviewers feel appreciated! ^^ And I'm happy you enjoyed my last chapter!_

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**Magicalgirl100591:** _O_O Oh wow, thank you! I feel like I'm being way too cheesy sometimes so... heh... ^^;; but I really appreciate that!_

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><p><strong>AN:** _I have to say... I think this chapter is my favorite so far. Thank you reviewers, everyone who has favorited and alerted! *Hugs you all* I am trying oh so hard to work on the next chapter but distractions... *cough* heh... XD I'll hopefully have it done soon... or try to... I've also been thinking about starting another story... I know I shouldn't but its been on my mind forever and I really want to write it... so I might end up starting it. Though I wont abandon this story! Well... ._._

_Anyways, enjoy!_

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><p><em>~ Chapter 7 ~<em>

_-Promise to the Stars-_

Shizuo slowly opened his eyes to revile to him still a dark room. Normally he wasn't one to wake out of sleep very easily, but something had woken him up. He wasn't sure exactly what it was, this was the first night he had ever heard it. The sound was soft, but it sounded close. Shizuo turned over onto his side to look at the time, which was barely past midnight. He hadn't even been asleep for that long, but this noise was one that he just couldn't ignore. He sat up and yawned lightly, then looked around his room in case he might be able to spot the source of the sound.

When his eyes fell upon the window seal, he saw Izaya sitting there. His back was leaned against the wall and his knees were brought up to his chest while his head hid in them. Worry instantly struck Shizuo and he slowly got out of bed, making sure to walk around the still sleeping Shinra to reach Izaya. Once he was standing next to him, he just stared at him for the longest moment. He wasn't sure what to do, but he knew the noise was now Izaya, and it sounded like he was crying. What was he supposed to do? Should he try and comfort him? Try being the key word since he was incapable of it, but at least listen to what he had to say. He wanted to know what was making him cry, because seeing him like this hurt Shizuo.

He also was debating with just going back to bed and leaving him be, maybe he just had a nightmare and needed to calm down about it. What if talking to him just upset him more? The last thing he wanted to do was make it worse. Shizuo thought on his options for a few more long seconds then ended up sitting down across from Izaya. He continued to gaze at him and wonder how he should let him know he was there without scaring him.

"Izaya-kun?" Shizuo whispered.

For a moment Shizuo wasn't sure if he had heard him, he was about to say his name again when Izaya looked up. He looked miserable, and Shizuo felt like someone was poking his heart with a pin. Izaya's eyes were red around the rims and his cheeks were tear streaked. What could have happened to cause this? Shizuo wanted to know and make sure that it never happened again. All he wanted to do right now was just hug him, but he didn't dare do something so out of character now.

Izaya gazed silently at Shizuo before wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his dark red pajama shirt. "D-Did I wake you up? I'm s-sorry." he mumbled quietly. Even his voice sounded broken, it really tore Shizuo apart inside.

"Did you… want to talk about it?" he questioned. Shizuo wasn't sure what he could really do for Izaya, but he at least wanted to know what was causing all of this to happen. He hated to see this; all he wanted to do was make Izaya stop crying.

Izaya stayed looking at Shizuo a few moments before turning his attention back to the window; the moon was so bright that it cast shadows of the two of them onto the floor. The faint light of the moon was the only thing allowing them to see each other in the darkness. "I…" Izaya began, but he didn't continue for many moments. "I… I don't want to go home."

His response shocked him. How could he not want to go home? "Why not?" Shizuo asked. For him this was so strange, he couldn't really understand why Izaya wouldn't want to go back home and see his family. Shizuo couldn't imagine not seeing his mom, dad, or brother ever again and he didn't get how Izaya could say something like that. Maybe he didn't even really mean it; maybe he was just saying it because he was upset. Then again, what if that was what made him upset in the first place?

Izaya didn't look at Shizuo as he spoke, almost like if he kept eye contact it would be even harder to say. Just speaking Shizuo could tell he was in obvious pain over the subject. "I guess I should tell you about my family… I've… never really told anyone before… but… I want you to be the only one who knows… who knows what happens… to me." Izaya's voice was soft but incredibly broken and shaken. His words sounded like they were coming from his heart, like they had been silenced and sealed away for so long that he wasn't sure how to say what he felt. Izaya then connected his eyes with Shizuo. "Please promise me… that you won't tell anyone else…. Ok Shizu-chan?"

Shizuo nodded once. He'd never tell another soul if that was what Izaya wanted.

"Alright… I trust you." he said then turned his head to the window to stare up at the sky again. "My family is just my dad, my two sisters, and me. My mom died after my youngest sister was born, I don't really remember her that much because I was a lot younger but it doesn't mean I don't miss her… I'm kind of jealous that you still have your mom… and for some reason she reminds me of mine. I know that if she was alive right now, she'd be just like your mom Shizu-chan." Izaya began explaining. He sounded like he was having a hard time trying to keep his tears down but he continued anyways. "My dad is really strict with me… so that's why I was positive I wouldn't be able to come over… but he said that he didn't care… so I left…"

There were tears streaming down his face by now but he kept speaking. "My dad isn't like this with my sisters… he loves them… but… but I don't understand why he doesn't love me… I don't understand why he hits me and locks me out of the house… I don't understand why he chokes me…" Izaya looked back at Shizuo with that heart breaking expression. "I'm scared." he cried quietly. "I'm scared to go home."

Shizuo felt like every word he could have said dried up in his throat. He was in shock, and his face showed it. Different thoughts then began flashing through his head, different emotions; he didn't know how to feel. He wanted to be angry at his dad and a hatred for him began to grow. He was also upset that Izaya was hurt like that and he couldn't do anything about it. To keep his rage down, he clenched his fist tightly while his face began to break. His heart felt like it was breaking, and he couldn't control anything. "I-Izaya-kun…" he mumbled as he too began to cry. He didn't know what else to do or what to say to make everything better.

He knew deep down that he couldn't do anything. He couldn't protect Izaya from his dad; he couldn't stop him from being hurt. He couldn't stop him from crying, he couldn't do anything. Shizuo felt so weak all of a sudden, he felt so powerless. He knew that he was, but he didn't want to admit it. He wanted to say that he would be able to save Izaya, but he knew he couldn't. There was nothing he could do, he failed. He couldn't protect him no matter what he did.

Izaya stared long at Shizuo before smiling lightly and sitting up on his knees then reaching forward to take Shizuo's hand that wasn't clenched. "How come you're crying Shizu-chan?" he wondered while holding onto his hand with both of his hands.

"Because I can't do anything… I can't protect you!" he whispered, feeling pathetic. He wanted to yell so badly, he just wanted to scream and let out every emotion he felt but he couldn't. He was forced to keep everything locked away inside. To bear this horrible pain of knowing that he was failing to protect someone he cared so much about.

Izaya's smile disappeared for a moment before it returned. It hurt Shizuo even more to see him trying to smile while he cried, while he was so clearly in so much pain. "But Shizu-chan, you don't have to protect me! It's alright Shizu-chan… its ok."

Shizuo again felt shocked. Tears continued to fall as he spoke with a still shocked expression and a low voice. "H-How can you say that? How can you say everything is ok when it's not? He's hurting you, and I can't stop him!" Shizuo clenched his teeth together tightly. "I failed... I want to protect you… but I can't." he felt so pathetic right now he could barely stand it.

Izaya then frowned and held Shizuo's hand tighter. "You really don't have to protect me Shizu-chan, I want to get stronger and I can't when you're always protecting me. I want to become stronger for you."

"But why?" he asked, he'd never heard anyone ever say that to him and he didn't understand.

Izaya's frown disappeared and he was smiling faintly again. "I don't like to see you cry either Shizu-chan, even that one time when you tried to hide it, I knew you were. I know if I become stronger I'll be able to take away your tears. One day I want to be strong enough to hold yours and mine. Then neither of us will ever cry again!" Izaya gazed down at Shizuo's hand. "I already know you're really strong Shizu-chan, and I know that you'll always protect me even if I may not want it…" he trailed off for a moment then smiled a little brighter. "But I want to protect you too."

Shizuo had never heard anyone say that to him before, he wasn't even sure how to react or what to say. How could Izaya say something like that?

"I know people call you a monster Shizu-chan, and I know you think of yourself as one… but to me, you'll always just be Shizu-chan!" Izaya looked up to show Shizuo his bright smile. "I know you ran away last time, but I hope you won't this time…" Shizuo could see that Izaya had begun blushing even though the moon was their only light. "I really l-like you Shizu-chan."

"I-I really like… you too." he managed to say while quickly looking away from Izaya and blushing. He couldn't even stop himself from saying it, he just did. Now the embarrassment could begin to sink in. Though with Izaya being so silent after that, he couldn't resist looking up to see how he had reacted.

Izaya was still smiling. His expression didn't seem to change all that much. "That makes me really happy!"

"Yeah well…" he mumbled, still feeling embarrassed.

"Oh!" Izaya suddenly let go of Shizuo's hand and leaned over to his bag that was sitting on the ground next to him. "I want to give you something." he said as he unzipped his bag and began digging through it.

Shizuo watched him curiously, wondering what he could possibly want to give him. Eventually Izaya pulled out two star shaped objects with a brown cord that was tied to the top most pieces. One was red and the other was blue, they appeared to be made of stained glass. The outside colors were a darker color and moving into the middle they got more transparent until it was white. Holding all the glass together looked like silver frames, but he'd never seen anything like that before. "What are those?"

Izaya held them out in his hands, the red one in the right and blue in the left. "Wayfinders! I made them a few years ago but I didn't have anyone to give the other one to… but now I do! Yours is the blue one!" he said while holding out his left hand closer to Shizuo.

He gazed at it a moment before taking it and looking it over curiously. He definitely was sure he'd never seen anything like this before, why would Izaya want to give him this?

"They're like good luck charms." Izaya held his up so that the moon made it glim. "They represent an unbreakable connection, as long as you have it with you, we'll never be driven apart!" he looked at Shizuo past the Wayfinder. "So if anything ever happens to one of us and we can't see each other for a while, as long as you keep that then we'll meet again!"

Shizuo continued to gaze at it; if it really meant all that then he knew he would keep it safe forever. "But why are you giving me one?"

"Because I like you Shizu-chan, and I never want to lose you." Izaya admitted while lowering the red Wayfinder. "I don't know what's gonna happen in the future, but as long as I know I'll always be with you, I'm not as afraid."

Shizuo looked up at Izaya. "I won't lose it, I promise!" he said while smiling.

Izaya smiled back then suddenly moved off of the window seal. "Come on!" he grabbed Shizuo's hand and quickly ran out of the room careful to be quite and not step on Shinra.

Shizuo had no choice but to follow Izaya as he led him down the stairs quickly, then he unlocked the front door and they both ran outside into the cold nighttime air. "Where are you taking me?" Shizuo finally asked.

Izaya didn't answer, instead he turned his head for a second to smile and laugh while running through the grass and around the house and garden.

Shizuo stayed silent after that, his mind reeling from the smile and laugh Izaya had just shared with him. He looked so happy, that he couldn't stop himself from holding onto his hand tighter. He couldn't believe he was outside at a time like this, if his parents knew he'd be in so much trouble and surely so would Izaya, but he didn't really care right now. He just wanted to do whatever would make Izaya happy. If running outside in the middle of the night in pajamas was what he wanted to do, he would do it.

His backyard was blocked off by small wire fences, they didn't exactly live that close to anyone else so they had a pretty big backyard, and it was almost like a field. Near the front of the house were the larger fences. Izaya eventually stopped, let go of Shizuo's hand, and collapsed onto his back on the grass.

"Why'd you drag me all the way out here?" he asked, looking down at Izaya who had his eyes closed and a huge smile on his face. He didn't get why he'd wanted to come outside and at a time like this.

Izaya opened one eye to look up at Shizuo. "Remember?"

Shizuo gazed long at him, he was drawing a blank.

Izaya laughed. "You said you'd sit with me to stare at the moon and the stars!"

Shizuo thought back to earlier and blushed lightly. "Well yeah… but I thought you meant in my room and not in the middle of the night! I mean, aren't you tired?" If he recalled correctly, Izaya had seemed pretty tired a few hours ago. Then again that was before what he'd woken up to.

"Kinda, but we may never get a chance like this… and I didn't want to waste it." he admitted before opening his other eye then lifting up his hand that held the Wayfinder.

Shizuo sighed to himself and sat down next to Izaya. He rested his hands behind him and looked up at the sky along with Izaya. He couldn't deny that the stars and even the moon looked brighter than they ever have before. Everything looked so clear, it felt all so peaceful. The cold air, despite giving him goose bumps, felt really good. There was a slight breeze that would blow through their hair and make the blades of grass around them sway. All of the stars seemed to twinkle at them, and with the pale glow from the moon it made it so that they weren't completely sitting in the dark.

He'd never done this before, gone out so late at night just to look up at the sky. He'd done it in his room, but never actually gone outside. He felt so relaxed, like his worries and the discomfort of what had happened earlier were slipping away. Shizuo closed his eyes; it was amazing how in a week his life could be changed so drastically and by only one person. He really hoped that these Wayfinders worked and they would never lose track of each other.

"Hey Shizu-chan?" Izaya suddenly asked as he lowered his hand.

"Yeah?" he answered without opening his eyes.

"Can you promise me something?"

"What?"

"Promise me you won't ever change. That you won't try and change anything about yourself."

Shizuo was a little surprised by such a request. "How come you want me to promise that?"

"I like you the way you are, and I don't want you to change anything about who you are."

Shizuo laughed in a non-humorous way. "I don't get it… why do you like me so much?"

"Because you're Shizu-chan! That's why I like you!"

He opened his eyes then lay down and glanced to the side to look at Izaya. "I still don't get it."

Izaya also turned his head to look at Shizuo also and laughed at him. "Maybe when we get older we'll understand what it means, because I don't really get it either!" he said then smiled cheekily.

"Alright, then I promise, but you gotta promise too!" he said. He didn't want Izaya changing either. He liked him how he was also.

"I won't change! You don't have to worry about that Shizu-chan!" Izaya stated happily.

"Still, you have to promise!" Shizuo said again. He just wanted to make sure.

"Ok! I promise I won't change!" Izaya said. He then reached out his hand to take Shizuo's again. "You know what I really want right now?" he asked while turning his head to look back up at the lit up sky.

"What?" Shizuo asked while blushing lightly at having his hand taken again. Even though Izaya had looked away, he still looked at him and wondered what he was going to say.

"I really want you and me to run away." he stated honestly, then gave the sky a smile. "I want to live with Shizu-chan in the sky! We could live on the stars!"

Shizuo laughed. "Really? Well how would we get up there? It's pretty far away."

Izaya thought about it for a moment before replying. "They aren't that far away." he reached up his hand that wasn't holding Shizuo's. "See, if I reach up I can almost grab the stars! If it's that easy, then I'm sure if we try hard enough we can get there!" Izaya then laughed happily. "But you've gotta try just as hard as me Shizu-chan! It won't work if it's just me!"

Shizuo couldn't believe how much he really thought that would work, he was sure it wasn't possible, but Izaya was acting like he really could. Shizuo turned his head to the sky, maybe it was possible, maybe if he wished hard enough and held Izaya's hand tight enough, they could really live on the stars together. "If it's what you really want."

"It is! I'll wish for it every night until it comes true! You gotta wish too, ok?" Izaya said brightly.

"Ok." Shizuo would wish every night that Izaya and him could live on the stars together, if Izaya wanted that, then so did he. "But we couldn't see our families ever again."

"Exactly." Izaya's voice changed, making him sound slightly upset again. "I don't want to ever see my dad again. I don't want to go back there… I know I don't have a choice, but when you and I live on the stars I won't have to see him ever again!"

Shizuo had to admit, that if it got Izaya away from his dad, he really would wish for this. "What would we do all the way up there? Wouldn't it be boring?" he asked to slightly change the subject.

"As long as we're together, it wouldn't be boring! I'm never bored when I'm with you!" Izaya explained.

Shizuo smiled, he really didn't understand how Izaya could like him so much but he didn't mind it. It made him feel wanted, like he maybe really wasn't that monster that he believed himself to be. He neither could understand how just one person was able to make him smile and feel so happy. He hadn't even known Izaya very long but he felt like they had known each other all their lives. Now he felt like Izaya was an old friend that he hadn't seen in a long time, and they were just catching up.

He held the Wayfinder in his hand tightly; he'd keep it safe forever. No matter what, if something happens to either one of them as long as he kept the Wayfinder, he knew that they would see each other again. He believed that the lucky charm had that effect. He couldn't believe how happy he was to have it and feel like this, he had never been this happy in his life. He never wanted to lose Izaya, he'd come to care about him so much and he knew that they'd be friends for a long time.

Even if fate was a cruel thing and destiny tried to have other plans, he'd see Izaya again.


	8. Chapter 8, Can You Answer The Hidden?

**Review replies:**

**Kurosendo:** _D'aww, thank you very much. I'm glad you liked~! ^^_

**Maru de Kusanagi:** _Haha I know, but thank you! _

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**RavenBlackRoses:** _Thanks! :D I worked really hard on that chapter. XP_

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><p><strong>AN:** _I apologize it took me so long to update... just life and stuff, you know? I also have been having a lot of doubts about my writing, if anyone could give me some advice on something I seem to be lacking I would love to hear it. I feel like I could be writing much better and I really want to know how to improve._

_I'll try to update sooner, _

_enjoy~_

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><p><em>~ Chapter 8 ~<em>

_-Can You Answer The Hidden?-_

Shizuo couldn't believe that it had already been two weeks. The days were flying by so quickly that every time he looked at the calendar, it had already been three days. He wasn't sure how he felt about time going by so quickly, but it wasn't like it wasn't well spent. Besides going to school every day, Izaya and him had grown closer yet distant within the two weeks. After the sleep over, he felt like they had become closer and for the next few days they were spending as much time together as possible. During school they would talk whenever they could which left Shinra shocked since he was normally the one to lead conversations.

Shizuo and Izaya had talked about everything, anything they could think of or the first things that came into their minds. They laughed, and smiled, and Shizuo couldn't believe how much happier he felt when he was around Izaya. He felt a little bit more complete, like Izaya had been the missing piece of his puzzle. They became so close after that night outside, that it was so hard for them to part ways and go home. If he could, he would have called Izaya but he knew that his dad wouldn't let him talk on the phone every day.

Of course Shinra continued teasing him, which always annoyed him but he dealt with it somehow without breaking Shinra's wrist. Within the two weeks after the sleep over, he'd learned even more about Izaya like the things he had wanted to know before. Things like his favorite color, food, and his birthday along with many other things that he just picked up from talking to him. Izaya was practically the closest thing he had to a friend right now. Within three weeks he felt closer to Izaya then he ever had to Shinra.

Though as of late, they seemed to be drifting apart again. Izaya's attitude had just suddenly changed about three days ago, he just didn't seem as happy as he had been before. He wouldn't really talk that much even when Shizuo tried to get some kind of conversation out of him. It was so strange since just before that they had been so close, but now it was like how it had been when they had first met. Izaya seemed like he was trying to isolate himself, and Shizuo didn't understand why. Was it something he did? What if it was something he said? Had he made Izaya upset or angry with him? Had he suddenly just stopped having an interest in him and was trying to push him away?

Shizuo didn't understand at all what was going on with him, and he had asked pretty much every day if something was wrong. All Izaya would do was shake his head, sometimes he'd say no but that was it. Sometimes he wouldn't even look at him. Shizuo really wondered if it was something he had done, if it was his doing, he would have at least liked to know so that he could try to fix it. He hated that Izaya was acting this way and pretending that there wasn't anything wrong when clearly there was.

Right now they sat in class, listening to the teacher lecture on about a test they were going to have on Friday, today was Wednesday so Shizuo knew if he just crammed in studying Thursday night he didn't have to listen to him talk. Shizuo couldn't even focus on that anyways; his eyes were on Izaya pretty much the whole time. Ever since he had walked into the classroom he had barely moved an inch, he hadn't even looked up from his desk or said "hi Shizu-chan" like he normally did. Shizuo didn't understand at all, and it was really starting to worry him. Was something going on with his dad that he just couldn't talk about? If it was, was it really that bad? What if something horrible had happened and he was on mute now? What if he never spoke a full sentence again?

Shizuo shook his head slightly; he couldn't start thinking ridiculous thoughts like that because those would get him nowhere. He knew he just had to ask what was going on with him, but he felt so unsure about it. He didn't know how Izaya would react if he did. What if he got angry with him? What if he got upset and started crying? Neither options he wanted to cause so he just kept quiet and worried from afar, he wished he could do something for him, but he couldn't think of anything he could do that would help. Without really knowing what was going on with him, it was so hard to try and figure out what he should do. This might just be something he really couldn't help with, maybe it was something Izaya had to deal with himself.

If luck was even really on his side, maybe this was just a temporary thing, maybe tomorrow he would be better. That was really the only thing that he could hope for since he couldn't do anything about this, he couldn't just look inside Izaya and see how he felt and fix it. Even Shinra had noticed this strange behavior and asked if it had something to do with him, even though it slightly bothered him that Shinra had just assumed that he did something he really couldn't say. He wasn't sure if he was the cause of it or not, so he couldn't say he wasn't as much as he wanted to. Shizuo had thought it over a lot, and if it was his fault, he couldn't figure out why. He'd thought over the conversations they had prior and couldn't remember making Izaya upset or angry, but what if he had just hidden it?

What if inside he was holding a hate for Shizuo? If he was, then why would he make him promise all those things at the sleep over and give him the Wayfinder? What if he was starting to regret everything? These kinds of thoughts always troubled Shizuo because he was so afraid of being thrown away. He didn't want to lose Izaya but he didn't want to be weird and clingy on him all the time either. Was he? He tried not to be that way but what if Izaya saw him as that?

There were so many different scenario's playing around in his head that he couldn't decide on which one made the most sense. The darker part of his mind wanted to pick the one that would hurt the most, but the lighter part knew that wasn't right. At least, he hoped that it wasn't right. He just wanted to ask Izaya and figure this all out because he hated having so many different thoughts and doubts like this. He didn't want to just go with an assumption and have it end up being wrong. If his assumption was wrong, then he might end up making things worse and that was the last thing he wanted right now.

Shizuo wanted so badly to just reach out and touch his shoulder and make everything go away. He hated when Izaya looked so upset, every time he was it felt like a part of him should be upset too and until Izaya was happy again, he was in a terrible mood. He wasn't sure how Izaya was able to affect him like that, but that was just sometimes how it was. He cared a lot about him, and didn't like it when he was this way. Izaya already went through so much, seeing him upset about something else almost sent Shizuo into rage. He wanted to make him happy and see him smile again, but he couldn't do that.

Since he was unable to comfort really anyone, he knew how impossible it was. So now he was left wondering, when would this end? When would Izaya be happy again and what was even bothering him? What if Izaya never told him what was wrong? What if this never ended? What if Izaya was never going to be happy? What if he would never see him smile again? With all these thoughts rushing through his head, Shizuo couldn't stop himself from reaching out to touch Izaya's shoulder to get his attention.

As soon as he realized what he'd done, it was too late to pretend he hadn't. Izaya had lifted his head and was gazing at Shizuo with a blank, emotionless look that he hated. Izaya didn't say anything except wait for what Shizuo had to say, which he wasn't even sure what he had wanted to say. He had done it unconsciously and now that Izaya was looking at him, he wasn't really sure what he should ask or what he should say. What if he just pretended that he hadn't even touched his shoulder? Would Izaya go back to staring at his desk? He knew that no matter what he said, it wouldn't make any difference. Shizuo couldn't make him feel better no matter what he may say.

"Are you ok?" he found himself asking while still slightly lost in thought. That was the only thing that came to his mind at the moment and with Izaya staring at him, he felt slightly embarrassed that he hadn't said anything for such a long time.

Izaya nodded his head once then went back to staring down at his desk, so much for really getting anywhere.

Shizuo knew something was wrong, it was so obvious and he wondered if even Izaya knew how obvious it was. Whatever it was, he was purposely not talking about it. How long could he keep that up? If you didn't talk about how you were feeling, wouldn't you eventually just blow up? It had been three days since this had been happening, if Izaya didn't talk about it, Shizuo felt like it was just going to get worse and harder for him to talk about. He didn't want that, and wished he could say something that would make Izaya talk about it, but he didn't know what he could possibly say. Was there really anything he could say? Maybe it was best he was just left alone about it, if he kept asking what was wrong, he felt like he was bothering him. The last thing he wanted to do right now was annoy Izaya.

With being in class, even if Izaya wanted to talk about it he probably wouldn't. Maybe if he asked about it at lunch he might finally break and just tell him what was going on because it was driving him crazy not knowing. That was his only hope that he might finally tell him. He hated that he was so worried over Izaya, but he couldn't help it and he knew he couldn't deny how much he cared about him. If he did then he would just be trying to fool himself.

Shizuo finally tore his gaze away from Izaya and to the front to mindlessly listen. The only thing he could do was hope, as pathetic as that was.

xXxXx

When Shizuo reached the lunch table, Shinra was already there but there was no sign of Izaya. This worried him.

"Where's Izaya-kun?" he asked Shinra, not sitting down but placing down his lunch on the table.

Shinra glanced up from his food to shrug. "I dunno. I lost track of him after class."

Shizuo felt his shoulders tense. What if he had left school? What if he was still here but purposely avoiding them?

Shinra seemed to notice how distressed Shizuo looked and attempted to comfort him. "Don't worry Shizuo-kun; I'm sure he's just a little late."

Shizuo brought his attention back to Shinra after staring at the schools doors, lost in thought. He could be right, and he might just show up a little late. Shizuo sat down slowly but didn't get out his food, he wasn't hungry. He was too worried, he felt like something was seriously wrong. This wasn't like Izaya to suddenly start acting like this, and the fact that he wouldn't tell anyone what was going on made it all worse. He wished that Izaya would just talk about it. He was nearly ready to somehow try to force it out of him, he just wanted to know.

"What's up with you?" Shinra asked curiously has he picked up his can of soda and took a drink.

Shizuo placed his elbow on the table and sighed with frustration. "I just don't get what's wrong with Izaya-kun."

"Oh yeah… he has seemed a little off the past few days hasn't he? I wonder what's up." Shinra said while then frowning at Shizuo. "Not eating isn't going to help anything, and you know that Shizuo-kun."

Shizuo glared at him. "I'm just not hungry! Big deal!" he snapped.

Shinra continued to frown at him. "If you don't eat, then you won't feel any better."

"Since when did you turn into my mom?" he growled while opening the bag hurriedly and pulling out an apple to take a huge bite of it and chew it angrily. He knew Shinra was just trying to help but he had so many different emotions and thoughts running through his head that he could barely really think clearly.

Shinra sighed while adjusting his glasses then placed an elbow on the table like Shizuo but with his chin on his palm. "Temper Shizuo-kun~! We don't need you flipping over every table out where!" he teased lightly.

Shizuo didn't take it that lightly. "You know, you aren't helping at all!" he growled again, even Shinra was really starting to get on his nerves. What had it been? Five minutes already and Izaya still wasn't here? Where was he? If he didn't show up, he seriously felt like he was going to start flipping tables.

Shinra gazed long at Shizuo before smiling. "You really care about Izaya-kun, it's kinda cute~!"

"Shut up!"

"What? It is~! I can't wait until you two get married~!"

"I told you to shut up!"

"You know it's gonna happen~!"

Shizuo rose from his seat, dropped the apple, and gripped the edge of the table, the metal beginning to crack under his grip. "SHUT UP!" he yelled, his anger beginning to grow.

Shinra wasn't fazed at all; he still sat the same way except a slight smirk was now tagging along his lips. "You always get so worked up when I talk about that! I don't get it when you like him so much, wouldn't you want to?"

Shizuo was glaring daggers at Shinra by now; he clenched his teeth and tightened his grip on the table to make it crack even more. Pieces of metal falling to the ground with clinging sounds. "It's none of your business anyways! Leave it alone!" he said through his teeth. Shizuo was an inch from flipping the table over and punching Shinra clear out of the school yard.

Shinra sighed while going back to eating. "I'm only teasing~! You shouldn't get so worked up!"

He was telling that to the wrong person. Shizuo finally let go of the table and sat down, crossing his arms over his chest and looking away from the partly crumbled table. He really hated when Shinra teased him like that, it was the most annoying thing in the world. He swore one of these days he really would hit him if he kept doing that. Shizuo turned his attention back to the doors, waiting patiently to see Izaya walk through them.

xXxXx

After school Shizuo was practically on edge, he hadn't seen Izaya ever since this morning and he was now almost going out of his mind. What had happened to him? Would he really just leave school without even telling either him or Shinra? He was starting to feel like Izaya was starting to avoid them. He hadn't even been at lunch either, so did that mean that he really had left? What if he had just gone somewhere else and ate because he didn't want to be around them? He knew that those assumptions were bad ones, but he couldn't think of anything else.

Now he sat with Kasuka on a stone bench in front of some plants waiting patiently to see if he could find Izaya after school. He almost felt like he was stalking him, but he couldn't take it anymore. If he saw Izaya he was going to stop him and finally just ask him what was going on with him. He couldn't take this guessing game anymore, he knew something was wrong and Izaya couldn't hide it anymore. He had to know, and if he had to be upfront about it, then so be it. He wasn't going to just stand back and let this completely take over him; he was going to find out one way or another.

Kasuka hadn't really seemed to mind, in fact he hadn't really even said anything with Shizuo said that was what he was going to do and he was free to walk home without him. He had kind of expected Kasuka to walk home without him, but instead he'd sat down next to him and not said a word. Sometimes he wondered how his brother was able to go through life being so completely blank. He was never able to figure out how he felt, he never knew if he was happy or angry or upset. Shizuo never really thought about it because he just assumed that he was happy most of the time. Sometimes he wished that his brother would be a little bit more expressive but then again he wouldn't want him to change. He liked how Kasuka was; it was kind of nice not to have to ever worry about drama with him.

When Shizuo finally spotted Izaya walking out of the front doors of the school, he glanced to Kasuka while getting up who nodded. Shizuo nodded back before turning his attention to Izaya who was slowly walking towards the front gates with his head hung and staring at the ground.

"Izaya-kun!" Shizuo yelled to get his attention.

Izaya stopped and glanced in the direction of Shizuo.

Approaching him, Shizuo glared slightly. "Where were you at lunch? What's been up with you the past few days? Don't say it's nothing because I know it's not! I've been going out of my mind wondering what's wrong with you and I want to know!" he all but exploded. He hadn't really meant to just say everything at one time, but it just sort of came out and he couldn't take it back now.

Izaya stared long at Shizuo before turning his attention back to the ground. Not answering any of his questions.

"Answer me! Say something!" he shouted exasperated. Even just hearing his voice would make him feel more relived.

Izaya kept quiet many moments and Shizuo was positive he wasn't going to say anything. Eventually Izaya turned back to him with tears in his eyes. "I-I'm sorry Shizu-chan… I'm really sorry!" he cried before breaking into a run, leaving Shizuo to stare after him without a thought in his mind.


	9. Chapter 9, Don't Forget

**Review replies~:**

**kitty tokyo uzumaki:** _Things don't really get any better in this chapter... ;-; but little Izaya-kun crying is sad..._

**magicalgirl100591:** _Haha thanks! And yes... well... you'll see... .-._

**RavenBlackRoses:** _Really? Yay! ^^ I'm glad! And you might be right~_

**Maru de Kusanagi:** _Yes it is... ;-; _

**KitsuneletterS: **_Ah really? Thank you for the advice, I appreciate it much! I'll try to work on that! :)_

**Mary-chan12:** _Thanks! I'll try to keep it up! XD_

**Iggy phantomhive:** _Hehe I think it was a mix of both! But thanks!_

**Luna Takamarie:** _I know... and things don't exactly get better... *sigh* _

**Lola Crash:** _Haha here it is! I didn't mean to take so long to update again... _

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><p><strong>AN:** _Sorry again for not updating sooner! D; I'm really trying to get better! I don't mean to take so long! Thank you reviewers, everyone who has alerted and favorited so far! Much appreciated! After this chapter... well... actually I'll say it at the end so I don't give anything away... :X_

_Enjoy!_

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><p><em>~ Chapter 9 ~<em>

_-Don't Forget-_

The next day, things hadn't changed at all. Shizuo felt like this was déjà vu because the same scene as yesterday played out before him. He sat at his desk not even listening to their teacher lecture; his eyes were again on Izaya who was sitting the same way as before. Yesterday hadn't solved anything like he had hoped that it would, confronting Izaya and trying to figure out what was going on had only made him run away. Clearly his approach had been a bit too rash, but he couldn't help but just explode. He really was worried about Izaya and he just wanted to figure out what was wrong with him. He cared too much to see Izaya so down like this. Something at home had to be bothering him.

Was it his dad? Was his dad hurting him? Shizuo tried to see if he could spot any bruises but his coat covered up his arms and most of his neck so he really couldn't tell. What if it was something to do with his sisters? He hadn't exactly mentioned what his relationship with them was like, but maybe they picked on him also? He couldn't exactly imagine that kind of relationship since the one he had with his brother was so calm. Shizuo just wanted to know! He wanted to know so badly that it felt like it was tearing him up inside. These feelings annoyed and irritated him to the point where he was just ready to punch something, anything to get these feelings out. Like violence would solve the problem, he knew it would only make it worse. Violence could never solve anything; that was one of the reasons he hated it so much.

Shizuo just wanted to figure him out, he wished he was as easy to read as a book. In this case, Izaya was practically a book written in a different language with a strong lock over the cover to keep him out. That was how he felt right now anyways. Other times it wasn't that way, he could tell how Izaya felt and was able to base actions off of it. Now that he never lifted his face, it was nearly impossible to decipher anything. The only way he could tell that he was upset was by how his shoulders shrugged and how he barely ever spoke now. Shizuo didn't think he would miss Izaya saying hi to him right before class started, but he really did.

He found it actually really strange how he could miss something as small as that. No real effort was given into that single word yet when he heard it, it changed his whole day. Again something else he couldn't understand something that Izaya was capable of doing that he couldn't figure out. How was he able to change his mood by just saying one word? The word wasn't even more than two syllables yet it made him feel so… happy coming out of his mouth. Why? Why was that? How could he feel so happy over such a small thing? How could Izaya do that to him?

Someday, he really hoped that he would understand why something like that happened to him.

"Now!" with this sudden sound of his teacher's voice, it brought him straight out of Shizuo's thoughts. "I want everyone to find a partner and review what I just finished going over with you all for the test tomorrow!" he said as he then sat down at his desk that was in the front of the class. He appeared to be watching everyone to make sure they did as they were told.

Shizuo gazed directly at his desk, he hated group things. Mainly because no one ever approached him, probably since they were too afraid. He always felt really stupid for some reason, like he was suddenly dumber than everyone else in the class. Probably the effect of being avoided by everyone, but he was used to it by now. Things like this happened every time. Plus he was sure that everyone knew he never really listened when there were lectures and he most likely always got the lowest test score out of the whole class, so who would want to approach him? Someone who wanted to fail that's who.

"Um…"

Shizuo glanced up and to where he heard the quiet voice. Izaya was gazing at him now; he appeared to have been the one speak since no one else was looking at him. Shizuo was almost shocked, he was positive that Izaya wouldn't speak to him until he confronted him again. How could something as stupid as this make him speak? Maybe it was just the pressure of finding a partner, Shizuo used to feel that way but the feeling long since passed. He had to keep back from snapping questions at Izaya again even though he so wanted to.

Just the look on his face, the dullness in his eyes sent Shizuo's insides into a frenzy of worry and anger. Izaya looked like he neither had slept; there were slight dark circles under his eyes. Shizuo could barely stand to see him this way anymore. He wished that Izaya would just tell him what was going on already.

Izaya's face was so blank, not a trace of any emotion could be found. It was as if the life had been sucked out of him, and now he was just an empty shell. Even as he began speaking, his voice was monotone. "I wasn't really paying attention…"

Clearly he wasn't, he hadn't been sure if Izaya had been listening to the teacher either, but he must have a lot on his mind just like Shizuo to not listen. "Well neither was I." Shizuo admitted, his tone almost condescending. Once he realized how he may have sounded, he spoke again "but as long as you study tonight, there's nothing to worry about!" Shizuo tried to sound a little bit happier with a hope that maybe some of it would rub off on Izaya. There was unfortunately no change in him, making Shizuo sigh internally. What did he have to do just to get him to smile again?

Izaya gazed at Shizuo like he'd said something that offended him before turning away and nodding once. He went back to staring at his desk as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.

Again, Shizuo had lost this battle. As soon as Izaya had turned away from him, it was over. Shizuo was really starting to get annoyed by how he was acting; he clenched his fist tightly and gazed at Izaya. He was amazed Izaya didn't turn to look at him, he felt like he could be boring holes into him with his intense stare. He was rapidly losing the willpower he'd kept to keep back from lashing out at him again, he just wanted to know!

Before he knew it, Shizuo was up and standing in front of Izaya's desk. He slammed his hands down on it, the desk creaking loudly but not breaking and the whole classroom went silent and turned their attention to the enraged Shizuo.

"Tell me what's going on with you!" Shizuo shouted down at Izaya, what did he have to do to get him to tell him? Did he not trust him enough to talk about his problems? "We're friends aren't we? Then why won't you tell me what's wrong?"

Izaya didn't seem to be fazed that much by Shizuo's actions. He stayed still, staring at his desk until finally looking up at Shizuo with a hurt expression. "I'm sorry…" he almost whispered.

Shizuo opened his mouth to speak again but his teacher beat him to it.

"Heiwajima-kun! Sit down!" Mr. Hitajika demanded strictly.

Shizuo instantly turned to glare at him before returning to his seat and crossing his arms. He most likely would have gotten in trouble for giving his teacher such a look, but he knew that it would just enrage Shizuo even more, and nobody wanted the classroom destroyed.

After a few moments, he was able to cool down enough to feel regret for how he had acted. He didn't mean to yell at Izaya and make demands at him, he was just getting so frustrated that he couldn't stop the anger from slipping past. He felt so helpless right now when it came to Izaya, he wanted to help him. He wanted to do something for him so that he wasn't just sitting on the sidelines watching as he fell apart. It wasn't fair that he couldn't do anything about it.

Shizuo would do anything to stop it and make Izaya smile again but he didn't know what he could do. Clearly he wasn't exactly helping the situation by getting angry and trying to resort to violence, he should know better than that.

Eventually Shizuo uncrossed his arms and put his head on his desk. He sighed to himself, things were just getting worse. He was losing his patience with Izaya and this whole situation they were in was just frustrating him to no end. There was really nothing he could think of to do. How could he help Izaya if he wouldn't even tell him what was wrong in the first place?

"S-Shizu-chan…"

Without lifting his head off the desk, he turned to face Izaya. He couldn't believe he was going to speak to him after that outburst. How was he not afraid of him now? How did Izaya not hate him?

Izaya didn't look any different than before, he spoke in the same tone of voice as last time. "I… I won't be at lunch today…"

Shizuo slightly lifted his head off of the desk, but not by much. What did he mean by that? Again he wasn't going to be at lunch? Then where was he going to be? Where would he be going? "Why?" Shizuo needed to know. What if someone was picking on him again? Shizuo felt his shoulders tense up just thinking about something like that. He would never allow it; anyone who picked on Izaya would have to deal with him.

"I… umm…"

Before Izaya could continue on, their teacher started speaking again, cutting off the rest of the voices in the class.

Shizuo was tempted to throw something at him for it, was it really necessary to start speaking _right _now?

Izaya gained an apologetic look then turned to gaze forward to the teacher who had begun lecturing again.

Shizuo also turned his head but just stared mindlessly at the board. What was he going to do?

xXxXx

At lunch, Shizuo didn't even stop to worry about where Izaya was. He knew he wasn't going to show up, he just wished he knew why. So again he was forced to be alone with Shinra. Not that he really minded, just… Shinra was prone to say something that would most likely end up in him attempting to break the table. In fact, the table hadn't been replaced from yesterday so there were still cracks in it. He didn't really even care about it; the only thing on his mind right now was Izaya.

"Again not gonna eat?" Shinra asked as he pulled out his own lunch.

Shizuo glanced to Shinra from where he had been looking off to. "I'm just not really hungry." he said while gazing down at his untouched lunch. He really just didn't feel like he could stomach food with how much was on his mind. He'd noticed lately his eating habits had been changing slightly. With not knowing what's wrong with Izaya, it was really beginning to take a toll on him and until now, he didn't even really realize it because his mind had been so preoccupied. He couldn't believe that this one person could cause something like this to happen to him, he wondered if Shinra was going through the same thing, if he would act the same way.

Shinra frowned slightly. "This thing with Izaya is really bothering you isn't it?" he gazed down at the table "to be honest, it's bothering me too."

Shizuo wanted to say he was surprised in Shinra's change of mood, he had been wondering how he felt about all of this. He knew that Izaya and Shinra were friends also, so he had figured that he too felt the same way about it. Shizuo had actually kind of hoped that Izaya would have mentioned something to Shinra. He knew that he might be hurt by the fact he went to Shinra and not him, but at least he would have a clue as to what was going on.

"So he hasn't said anything to you about it?" Shizuo questioned hopefully. Even though he doubted that Izaya did, it didn't hurt to ask.

Shinra stayed silent for a few moments before answering. "N-No he hasn't."

Shizuo raised an eyebrow. He couldn't help but feel slightly suspicious with his answer but didn't question it anymore. He just wished that Izaya had gone to someone if not him; he just wanted to know what to do. He wanted to help somehow! This feeling of not being able to do anything was driving him crazy.

"I really wonder what's wrong… I wish he'd tell someone." Shizuo admitted while placing his elbow on the table to rest his chin on his palm. He couldn't understand why Izaya was keeping this a secret when it was so obvious that it was hurting him. All Shizuo wanted to do was help him, but it seemed like Izaya thought he was past help. There still had to be something he could do or say that might change this, but what? What could he possibly do?

"Yeah I know!" Shinra finally began opening up his lunch and eating. "It's not good to keep things inside for so long."

"It frustrates me that he won't tell me… I just want to help." Shizuo was half lost in thought while he spoke. He was never really so open about his feelings but this was one thing he couldn't keep back. It really was absolutely frustrating him. He really couldn't stress that enough.

"I would too… but maybe it's something that can't be helped." Shinra brought his chopsticks up to his mouth then smiled at Shizuo. "I think you need to chill out! Don't worry about it so much Shizuo-kun, I'm sure whatever happens, Izaya-kun will be fine!"

He wished that he could really believe that. What Shinra was saying may have been true, but his mind wouldn't let him believe it. After so many days of this constant attitude and not getting anywhere, Shizuo was almost completely convinced that nothing was going to get better. Izaya could be dealing with it on his own for all he knew, but why couldn't he at least tell him that he was going to be ok… that's all Shizuo wanted to know. That he would see Izaya smile again and hear his laugh that he had grown so fond of.

As much as he would never admit to something like that out loud, it was true. He would do anything to help Izaya, but really if he didn't want to talk to him, then there was nothing he could do. The only thing he really could do was wait.

xXxXx

"Mom! We're -"

"Oh Shizuo dear," his mom said, interrupting his sentence just as she was coming out of the kitchen. The phone was grasped in her hand as she walked towards the two boys who were standing in the doorway, having just arrived back from school. "One of your friends is on the phone." she told him while holding the phone out to Shizuo as Kasuka walked past them and upstairs to his room silently.

"Um, alright." Shizuo took the phone from his mom and held it to his ear as he walked into the living room. "Hello?" he asked while removing his bag and placing it by the couch before sitting down. Who would be calling him right after school? He couldn't say it had ever happened before, so he couldn't even begin to guess who would call him. Although it wasn't like there were that many possibilities.

"_Shizu-chan? It's Izaya…"_

Hearing his voice sent waves of relief through him. Though it didn't last very long for when he realized that his tone of voice had sounded incredibly upset. "What's up?" he tried to ask as casually as possible. Though he was sure it had failed.

_"Uh… is it… is it alright if… I walk over to your house…? It's only five minutes if I run…" _Izaya asked in a hushed tone.

"Sure, but why?" he wondered. Why would Izaya want to come over right now? "Is something wrong?" that was kind of a stupid question to ask, but maybe it was something else then what had been bothering him before.

_"I'll explain when I get there." _Izaya said hurriedly before the phone clicked and the line dying.

Shizuo brought the phone away from his ear and gazed at it, this was strange. He had a sudden feeling of anxiousness course through his veins. Whatever this was, he was sure that it wasn't exactly going to be good news. Why else would he need to rush over to his house? Shizuo stood up and walked through the house to the kitchen so that he could hang up the phone.

After doing so his hand lingered there for a minute, gazing at his hand he realized that it was trembling slightly. Shizuo quickly brought it into his chest and held it there. What was going on with him? Why was he suddenly so nervous? He almost felt afraid. Was he afraid of what Izaya was going to tell him? Trying to think positive about this situation wasn't exactly something possible since on the phone he had sounded so upset. Something was going to happen, and Shizuo knew that whatever it was, it wasn't going to be anything he wanted to hear.

Shizuo exited the kitchen and headed for the door, as soon as he opened it his mother's voice stopped him from taking another step.

"Are you going outside dear?" she asked from the stairs behind him.

Shizuo glanced over his shoulder at her. "Yeah, is that ok?"

She nodded once. "But take an umbrella; it's supposed to rain any moment."

"Alright." Shizuo mumbled, he turned and took about two steps so that he was now standing in front of the closet. Opening it he searched a few seconds before pulling out a sealed black umbrella. Once it was in his hand, he closed the closet door then walked outside.

After closing the door behind him, Shizuo gazed up at the sky. His mom was right; the grey clouds were quickly moving in and covering the bright blue sky and the sun that had been shining a few minutes ago. He always thought that it was amazing how the weather was able to change like that. Even though it wasn't raining yet, Shizuo opened up the umbrella and let the metal rod rest on his shoulder as it shielded his head from the rain that would soon be falling.

Shizuo walked down the front porch and once he reached the gate he let himself out and let the metal door close behind him with a clang. The road in front of his house was never busy, it was actually rare really for cars to be seen driving down it. In this area, there weren't that many people. He lived pretty much on the edge of Ikebukuro; if you wanted to see people then you had to move to the middle. That was where all the life was. One day he hoped to move there, just to really experience the city life. Not that he wasn't now, just the edge of town wasn't exactly as crazy as he knew the center was.

He really wanted to move mainly because he wanted to go to Raijin Academy once he was old enough. He did like where he lived, it was kinda nice to be away from most of the city, but he also wanted to experience it too.

"Shizu-chan!"

Hearing his nickname called, he turned to the right since that had been the direction he had heard the voice in. Izaya approached him, slightly out of breath. What he instantly noticed were the tears in his eyes and his shaky frame. To see him this way, it hurt but he tried not to let it show.

"Hey, so why did you want to come over?" Shizuo asked curiously. He would have asked what was wrong, but he was sure that the purpose of Izaya coming over was so that he could tell him.

Once he gained some composure back, Izaya gazed up at Shizuo from staring at the sidewalk below their feet. His eyes were filled with tears and he looked like he was trying to keep back from sobbing. "Shizu-chan I'm really sorry… I've been pretty much ignoring you the past few days… I didn't mean to…"

Shizuo really hated seeing him cry like this. Hopefully this time Izaya planned to tell him what was going on.

That was when the rain started, there were only a few drops at first and it wasn't that noticeable, but with his umbrella he could hear the rain drops hit the fabric of it. He wasn't sure how hard it planned to rain, but either way he was glad that his mom had told him to grab an umbrella.

Izaya's attention went back to the sidewalk, like he was to ashamed to keep eye contact with Shizuo. "I couldn't tell you… it hurt too much… and I didn't want to hurt you too, but I knew if I didn't tell you then I would be a horrible friend… I really am sorry Shizu-chan…"

Shizuo reached out and placed a hand on Izaya's shoulder, making the other boy look up with eyes of curiosity over Shizuo's action. The brunette smiled lightly in a reassuring manor at Izaya. "It's ok, tell me what's wrong." Even though he was smiling, he never had felt more anxious in his entire life. He was trying to keep calm for Izaya; Shizuo wasn't sure how easily one little action could set him off.

"I…" Izaya closed his eyes like it was an attempt to keep himself from crying. Either that or so that he wouldn't have to see Shizuo's reaction to whatever he was about to tell him. "I'm moving... my dad is being transferred again to a different town…"

Shizuo nearly felt his heart stop beating. "W-What?" He couldn't have heard him right, there was no way! No way! His ears had to be playing tricks on him because there was no way what he heard was true, it couldn't be.

Izaya opened his eyes again as the tears slipped down his cheeks. "I d-didn't want to tell you… because… because I don't want to leave Shizu-chan!" Izaya cried as he pushed Shizuo's hand off his shoulder and instead wrapped his arms around him and cried into his shoulder. "I don't wanna leave! I don't want to say goodbye to you! It's not fair! I don't want to go!" Izaya's broken voice was muffed in Shizuo's shirt but he could still tell what he was saying.

Slowly reality began slipping in; it felt as cold as the air had turned around them. The weather might as well knew of this oncoming sadness that was going to cross between the two of them. This was reality, it was harsh and it was cruel. Shizuo felt like it had ripped open his chest and was stabbing his heart; it might as well be anyways. Only after a few weeks of getting to know Izaya was he being forced to leave, and it really wasn't fair. This wasn't fair at all.

He had finally found someone who didn't make him feel like a monster. Someone who wasn't afraid of him and made him feel like he still had hope of being a better person. Someone who made him happy by just seeing the other be happy. Why? Why did this have to happen? He felt like a piece of his heart was being ripped away. Shizuo couldn't even stop the tears at this point, he may not have been sobbing as hard as Izaya was, but he felt the same sadness deep in the pit of his chest.

The situation finally made sense, why Izaya had been so upset lately and refused to tell anyone. This all made sense. Shizuo wasn't sure if he was mad at Izaya for not telling him sooner or glad that he didn't tell him until now.

"When?" Shizuo managed to ask, pulling up as much strength as he could so he didn't sound pathetic.

Izaya lifted his head moments later after finally calming down a little bit, he rested it on Shizuo's shoulder so that his mouth was right next to his ear. "In a few minutes my dad will be here to get me." Izaya whispered shakily.

Shizuo felt another stab, this time in his stomach too. He finally managed to hug Izaya back after the other boy had been holding onto him for so long. He didn't really think saying goodbye to someone could be so painful. As hard as he tried to keep from crying it was simply impossible, his heart felt sore and his stomach was upset. Izaya was the only one who had seen him cry so much, but somehow Shizuo was ok with that.

There really was nothing he could do, he couldn't stop this and that fact made him hurt all the more. Where ever Izaya went, he wouldn't be able to protect him anymore. Shizuo had failed, failed to protect someone he cared about. There was nothing he could do.

He felt so worthless.

When they let go of each other, Izaya wiped his eyes with his sleeve then unexpectedly smiled as best he could at Shizuo. How could he even try to smile at a time like this?

"But… I'm not gonna worry about never seeing you again because I know I will! As long as you and I keep the Wayfinder's then we'll see each other again! It might be a few years from now… but I know it'll happen!" Izaya then rested one hand on his hip and gave Shizuo a teasing look. "And don't you even think about not making that wish every night like we talked about! If you stop then it won't happen! So you gotta promise me you won't!"

Shizuo gazed at Izaya a long moment before he too found himself smiling. He was right; as long as they kept those star charms then he could see Izaya again. "Yeah, yeah!" he said playfully, waving his hand to dismiss any doubt.

Izaya then blushed and took his gaze off of Shizuo. "I'll miss you a lot…"

Shizuo instantly blushed too and looked in the opposite direction as Izaya. "I'll… I'll miss you too." he admitted, feeling embarrassed doing so.

A moment later there was the sound of a car coming down the road through the rain that was beginning to fall harder; the two boys gazed to the road to now see a black car with tinted windows pull up next to them. The driver's window rolled down to revile a strongly glaring man who was glancing between the two.

Shizuo didn't recognize him but he must be Izaya's father by how he too had black hair and the dark crimson eyes that Izaya had.

"I let you say goodbye to your friend, now get in the car!" he snapped straight at Izaya.

Izaya nodded at him respectfully but turned to Shizuo to smile lightly at him. "Don't forget ok?" he said then turned to the car, and opened the backdoor.

Before Izaya got in, Shizuo found himself grabbing his hand to stop him. Izaya glanced back looking slightly confused and Shizuo felt another blush creep onto his cheeks. "Don't… don't forget about me…"

Izaya smiled at Shizuo and nodded. "I won't. I promise! You can't forget about me either!"

Shizuo also nodded. "I won't."

Izaya continued to smile then broke his hand from Shizuo's. "Bye, Shizu-chan." he murmured before getting into the car and shutting the door.

Once Shizuo stepped away from the car, it started driving away. All he could do was watch until it turned a corner and disappeared.

"Bye..."

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><p><strong>AN:** _Don't hit me for this ending. ;-; Well it's not the ending of the story! The next chapter is going to be a big time loop. Just so you all know! I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter~!_


	10. Chapter 10, How Many Years?

**Review replies:**

**kurosendo:** _Thanks! I realize this update wasn't exactly soon... ;-; sorry. I hope this chapter makes up for it! XD_**  
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**crimsonfire3:** _Hah thanks! And you could see it that way, that their childhood was just the introduction~! Who knows! X3_**  
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**VampieraGrave:** _They aren't adults... quiet yet! I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint you. ;-;_**  
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**kitty tokyo uzumaki:** _Nyu! ;-; That's even worse then throwing something at me! I hope this chapter will make up for that!_**  
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**Maru de Kusanagi:** _Maybe... you'll have to find out! And I'll have to check out the videos then! ^^_**  
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**RavenBlackRoses:** _;_; Sorryy! *hands tissues* maybe this chapter will make you feel better? :3_**  
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**Iggy phantomhive:** _:D Thank you! Hope you enjoy this chapter~_**  
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**magicalgirl100591:** _Haha omg you flatter me! / I try really hard with my writing, I'm really happy you enjoy it so much! I'll keep working hard at it! ^^_**  
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**Mary-chan12:** _Sorry! ;-; Well I tried to update soon... it sort of failed though.._**  
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**EvilRelena:** _Aha that's fine! I appreciate hearing from you_! ^^ _Thank you very much!_

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><p><strong>AN:** _So yeah... I see I keep failing at updating sooner and I am really sorry for that. I sort of lose track of the time and it takes awhile to finish these chapters soo... but I really appreciate you guys staying with me and still reading! It makes me happy! ^^ _

_Enjoy!_

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><p><em>~ Chapter 10 ~<em>

_-How Many Years?-_

"Shizuo-kun! Slow down you walk so fast!"

"…"

"Come on! Please slow down!" Shinra began begging, he jogged from behind trying to catch up to Shizuo who was much farther ahead than him. "Shizuo-kuuun!" he yelled after him like it was necessary.

Shizuo clenched his jaw, why wouldn't he just shut up already? He shoved his hands in his pockets and kept walking. Shinra was the one who was going to make them late, so why should he slow down for him? He should just walk faster.

"Uh… Shizuo-kun… come onnn! Just stop walking for five seconds!" Shinra kept on his constant plea's and begs for Shizuo to slow down, slowly it was grating on the other's nerves.

"Shizuo-kun!"

"Shizuo-kun!"

"Shizuo-kun!"

"Shizuo-kun!"

"Shi-"

"Shut up already!" Shizuo snapped back at him, finally halting to a stop so that the other could catch up with him. He removed a hand from his pocket to rub the bridge of his nose, "you're annoying as hell sometimes."

When Shinra was finally caught up with him, he simply smiled. "Aw, that's not very nice!" he said as the two began walking except at an even pace this time.

Shizuo let go his nose to place his hand back into his pocket. "If you woke up on time then this wouldn't even be happening." Shizuo replied back. Shinra was normally up earlier than him, but there were mornings where he was up way after Shizuo who normally slept in. Even when they had school.

Shinra glanced over to Shizuo to pout, like it had any effect. "You didn't have to just leave me!"

"I'm not gonna wait for you to get ready! I rather not be late on the first day back!" Shizuo growled, not even sparing Shinra a glance. He already knew the look he was trying to pull with him, and even if he were looking at him, it wouldn't change anything. Today was their first day of their junior year at Raijin Academy, any other day he really wouldn't have cared but showing up late on the first day wouldn't look that great to his teachers. He was surprised Shinra didn't care more about that since he was always the one on top of his grades every year, he wanted to be a doctor after all, or at least that was what he talked about.

Shinra sighed loudly, purposely it seemed too, and gazed forward at the path ahead of them. "Sorry, I just get worried when Celty doesn't come back…"

"I'm pretty sure she can take care of herself." Shizuo responded in monotone. He hoped his tone would put off Shinra going into talking about the Dullahan.

The three of them, three being Shinra, Celty and he lived in an apartment together and if Celty didn't come back one night it appeared Shinra was tired the next day. Most likely from not going to sleep. Shizuo didn't exactly understand the relationship he had with her, but whatever it was he always saw it as obsessive. Celty and him didn't communicate all that much, he didn't really care that much for her but apparently she had come to Japan looking for her lost head. About two summers ago was when Shizuo had first met her, and that was also when she began living with them.

Shinra had insisted, or really begged her to stay it seemed. Even though it had been about two years, she still didn't seem too accustomed to them. She was never there during the day and only came back late at night. Shizuo had no idea where she went or what she did, but neither did he care or really want to know. That was her business, whatever it was he didn't want anything to do with it. On the other hand Shinra was always stressed out over her. Always worrying about if one day she didn't come back.

Shinra was always going on and on about how great she was and how in love he was with her, but Shizuo couldn't understand any of it. Love wasn't really something he cared for and being around someone who was so lovesick over someone who didn't really care for his existence was very irksome. Whenever Celty rejected him for something Shinra considered a date you could always find him sitting at the table in their kitchen with a theoretical rain cloud over his head. Sometimes Shinra would even manage to find Shizuo just to whine and cry about it to him, which didn't give him much except a glare and shove to the side. Shizuo really couldn't care less about it.

If he had the money he would just find a place of his own and live by himself, but unfortunately getting a job was a lot harder than it seemed. He couldn't help that pretty much everyone was an idiot and pissed him off. So since he didn't have the funds, he'd decided to take Shinra up on his offer with living together. Shinra had said "that's what friends are for" but he still felt like there was some kind of catch to it. He knew that Shinra had some kind of part time job but he wasn't really sure what it was, only that it was on the weekends from about four pm to midnight. Also to help pay for other things they get money from his father who had moved to America once at the very beginning of the month. Which helped a lot.

Not having a job he felt quite useless with being unable to help pay for where he lived, but as many times as he had tried to get a job it always backfired on him. Shinra had tried to convince him that it was alright but Shizuo never listened to him. The result of this was then Shinra calling him stubborn and Shizuo declaring that he wasn't stubborn along with glaring at the other. He knew he was stubborn but never wanted to admit it. There were a lot of things he was but he never wanted to admit to them.

"Shizuo-kun? Are you even listening to me anymore?" Shinra asked while poking him in the shoulder once.

Shizuo snapped from his thoughts, not even realizing that Shinra had been speaking at all. Shizuo glance to him. "Hmm?"

Shinra sighed. "I was talking about- never mind." he changed the subject from whatever it could have been before. "So how's your brother?"

Shizuo turned his head forward. "He's good." Kasuka had gone to Europe to study preforming arts the same time Shizuo had passed the entry exam for Raijin. He always came back when he was on break to visit which was only about three times a year, still he missed his little brother a lot. When he had left, Shizuo couldn't deny being upset. He was so use to walking to school with his brother for all those years that it was strange for him not to be around anymore. He couldn't say that walking with Shinra was anywhere near the same.

"I'm glad to hear that!" Shinra smiled cheerfully. "What classes did you take this year?" he questioned curiously.

"The normal ones."

Shinra groaned. "Shizuo-kuuuun! But that's so boring!"

He honestly didn't even remember which classes he had picked, like he was supposed to remember from last year? He just wanted to get the next year over with so that he could be done with school. He had no plans on continuing with school; in fact he still had no idea what he wanted to do with his life but in time something would probably happen.

"Do you even have you schedule sheet with you?" Shinra questioned, ready to nag at him if he didn't.

Shizuo sighed; irritated that Shinra would think he wouldn't have that. "Of course I have it with me." If he didn't then he would have no idea where he was going.

"Ok! Ok! Just making sure!" he admitted hurriedly. "Then what's your first class?"

Shizuo turned his head to look at Shinra with an annoyed expression. "How about I tell you when we actually get there!" he really just didn't feel like searching through his bag to find it.

"No need to get so mad Shizuo-kun! I'm just curious~!"

"Well your curiosity is gonna get you killed."

Shinra gasped dramatically. "Was that a threat?" he questioned with a voice filled with sarcasm.

Shinra was really pissing him off now. "If you keep this up you can bet your ass it is."

"Alright!" Shinra said, dropping his act and going back to smiling contently.

Shizuo never understood Shinra. He was never really that angry at anything Shizuo said, even if he was threating him. Was it because Shinra knew that he wouldn't go through with it? If he got him enraged enough, he couldn't promise for anyone's safety.

After all these years Shizuo couldn't get why Shinra even still hung around him, they weren't friends. He didn't have any friends and neither did he need them, yet Shinra must obviously think that they were. He couldn't help but be slightly grateful towards him though, after all he was letting him live with him without having to help pay. If he wasn't living with Shinra then he'd have no idea where he would be right now. Not that he was dependent on him, he was sure he'd be able to get along without him but living with someone he had grown up with was a lot more comfortable then strangers.

Even if Shinra was annoying and was teasing him all the time about different things, like his blond hair, he was still much too friendly and nice for his own good. Especially too nice to someone like him, not very many people would even come within two feet of Shizuo in fear of being killed. Shinra and Celty were really the only ones who didn't run away, and he knew he would never understand why. He didn't get why they weren't like everyone else. He more understood Celty then Shinra, but it was still the same. Everyone should be afraid of him; after all he was barely even human.

Then again, Celty wasn't even human at all. She was just like him, and in many ways he respected her much more than anyone else. She was a monster, and so was he. They were in the same boat. He was sure if she didn't wear that helmet all the time then no one would approach her anyways.

Coming out of his thoughts, he realized that they were crossing the road to approach Raijin. The school was practically looming over them, it had many different levels and mostly windows were what took up the walls. A large fence went around the entire perimeter and the entrance were black metal gates that were always kept open when school was to be or in session. Nothing had changed since the last time he had been here, which had been since before summer began. The only thing different were the trees, normally full of life were dead and barren right now. They would be that way until spring came around within a few months.

Once Shinra and him had passed the gates and were in the courtyard, Shinra sighed contently.

"Ahhh! Isn't it good to be back?" he asked happily.

Was he serious? "Why the hell would it be?" Shizuo hated this place. Even more than just walking down the street he was judged by everyone. All the students stayed away from him, and they thought Shinra was crazy for not doing the same.

"I'm not sure… but I have a feeling that this will be a good year!" Shinra stated, seeming pretty optimistic about it.

Shizuo almost rolled his eyes, he really doubted that. This year was going to be just like the other years; he wasn't going to expect anything of interest to happen.

Shinra then turned to face Shizuo. "Let's see your schedule! I hope we get a class together this year!"

"Yeah…" the last two years he had been lucky enough not to get any classes with Shinra, hopefully this year would be the same. Shizuo pulled open his bag to dig through it for a moment before pulling out a piece of folded paper. Once he closed his bag Shinra plucked it from his hand and opened it.

Shinra only looked it over for a mere few seconds before frowning at it. "Aw! We don't!" he said while giving the paper back to Shizuo who stuffed it into his pocket. Shinra's frown quickly disappeared and back into a smile again. "Well at least I'll get to see you at lunch! Remember to sit at the regular table!"

Shizuo waved his hand knowingly. 'Yeah, yeah." Their first year they had picked out a table where they sat for lunch every day, unfortunately it was inside and with other students but it wasn't like anyone bothered them. Once the year really started though, sometimes Shinra, Shizuo, or both of them wouldn't attend lunch due to some kind of project that needed to be worked on. He was sure for the first few weeks he wouldn't have to worry about that.

Shinra then began looking around curiously. "I wonder where Kadota-kun is~!"

Shizuo had almost forgotten about him, Kyohei Kadota, Shinra had met him their first year and ever since then was always trying to get him to hang out with them. He did occasionally, but he seemed to get annoyed with Shinra easily too. Shizuo couldn't say the two of them were friends, but on good terms. He didn't really know that much about him except that they were in the same grade and that sometimes Shizuo really didn't mind his presence. He wasn't outlandishly strange and irritating like Shinra could be. Half of the time he could be as quiet as him, but then again was also very good at holding a conversation.

Before Shinra could continue his search, there was a loud sound of a bell that signaled school would be starting within a few minutes. Everyone who had been standing around in the courtyard began walking towards the doors of the school.

"Oh well…" Shinra then began walking off without Shizuo; before he got too far away he glanced back at him to smile. "See you at lunch Shizuo-kun!" he yelled then turned and left Shizuo alone.

Shizuo stood idly a minute longer until the crowd of students thinned out, and he started walking towards the doors. His first class was Chemistry, he knew without even needing to see that piece of paper since the night before he had tried to memorize his classes. He hated walking around holding that piece of paper and looking like an idiot. He already knew where the room was also since he had a class in the same room his first year.

Even though Shinra thought this may be a good year, Shizuo felt like it was just going to be an extremely long one.

xXxXx

His first three classes had been insanely quick. Each one had just gone over what they would be learning over the course of the year and that was about it. Surely the rest of his classes would be the same which was going to be nice, having this day go back quickly. Though by tomorrow there would be work and possibly homework, he was most likely to get homework since he was never able to finish anything in class anyways. Never had he been very great when it came to school, there was too much effort but still he tried to push past his negative attitude towards it and tried to work as best he could.

He couldn't believe he had already made it through three classes. That meant there were only three more and he would be done for the day. He just wanted to go back to his room and be alone; he hated all these people around him. They always gave him weird looks, and whenever he got to close they would all move away. Not like he cared, that was their own damn problem if they were so afraid of him. They should be anyways.

After he'd picked up some random lunch he walked through the tables in the very large lunch room. All of the walls were windows that allowed you to feel like you were outside while eating, if only you could eat outside. The table he sat at was near a window, which made eating a little bit more pleasurable despite the loud voices of everyone else around him.

Approaching the table he saw that Shinra was already there, and so was Kadota. Seeing him again was kind of nice, he didn't look any different than the last time he'd been around him. Maybe his hair was a little bit longer but that was it.

Once Shizuo sat down in front of the other two, he exchanged a nod with Kadota and Shinra was smiling, like always.

"How are your classes going Shizuo-kun?" Shinra asked curiously, barely even giving him any time to get into his lunch.

"Fine." he replied in monotone, hoping to discourage Shinra from going on about anything with him. For once he rather just attempts to have a peaceful lunch.

Shinra seemed to take notice of Shizuo's anti-social behavior and turned his attention to Kadota. "How about your classes Kadota-kun?"

Kadota nodded once. "Yeah, they're fine as well. Nothing really that interesting on the first day."

"I know!" he sighed, "the first day back is always so boring." Shinra said, almost sounding bored.

Shizuo could agree with him, it was boring but it was better than what it was like in the middle or the end. Eventually once things started up again, nothing would be boring. Something was always going on, and Shizuo always tried to stay out of it.

A few years ago, he'd met someone named Tom in the last year of middle school. He had probably became the closest person to a friend that he had, he had been the one to tell him to dye his hair blond so that he would stand out and gangs would get the picture not to mess with him. He didn't understand it at first, but after he'd done it, the violence finally dropped down. Most of his last year at middle school was filled with fighting, and he'd hated it. They were his worst memories but he was finally able to put that all behind him.

Tom didn't go to Raijin, but he would still see him sometimes on the weekends. Tom was the only one who didn't make him angry, he was the only one who was able to calm him down and keep from fighting which he hated so much. He was glad that he had found him, or he didn't know where he would be right now.

Shizuo glanced between Kadota and Shinra who were conversing with each other; he still wondered why they even hung out with him. What did they see in him that Shizuo couldn't? He'd been tempted to ask but knew that Shinra would tease him about trying to be deep or something along the lines of finally admitting that they were friends. One day he was sure he'd find out, Shinra might tell him or he might finally just question him. Whatever the answer may be, he was sure that it had nothing to do with his personality. He knew that they didn't like him for who he was, no one did.

xXxXx

His last class of the day was Japanese culture, which he already knew was going to be boring as hell. As he sat there with about five minutes of the day left, he was nearly itching to get out of his seat. He was tempted to just stare at the clock and mentally threaten to break it if it didn't move faster. The teacher's voice was dull and highly annoying; it made him want to go into a fit of rage. He was really going to loath this class.

Something that surprised him was everyone seemed to be accounted for, except for one person. If that person appeared, they would be sitting in front of him. Why he was surprised was who seriously skipped the first day of school? He hadn't been paying attention during the roll call so he didn't know their name, but they would have to have a pretty good reason not to show up. Hopefully they wouldn't, that way he wouldn't have to worry about looking over their head to right things down from the board.

Shizuo was kind of pissed that he had gym class before this one that just made him even more irritated since he hated gym classes. This would be the last year he had to take one, but every year was always the same. Whenever they played some kind of sport, everyone always wanted him on their team. This was the one class where most people didn't avoid him, but they were only around him because they knew if he was on their team, they would win for sure. So he was just used, it pissed him off and made him even more aggressive when playing whatever the sport may be. He hated his strength; he wished he had never been cursed with it.

When the bell finally rang, he felt relived. In fact he almost sighed that he was finally able to leave. Along with the rest of the class, he was up and out of the classroom within two minutes. Finally this day was over, he could meet with Shinra and possibly Kadota outside, and go home.

While walking through the hallway, he avoided the stares of others and the gossip about him that he'd heard so many times before. His eyes stayed focused forward and he tuned everyone around him out with his own thoughts.

"Uh, Shizuo-kun!"

Shizuo almost didn't stop at hearing his name called. He glanced back to see a very familiar girl with long brown hair and brown eyes approach him with a light blush on her face. He knew this girl; he didn't remember her name but he remembered her. She had been in at least one of his classes for the past two years, but he couldn't quiet remember if she was in any of his classes this year. She only came up to him to either say hi or ask him some pointless question.

"Hmm?" he mumbled back, just wanting to leave already but not wanting to be rude and just walk away.

Her face seemed to lighten with him responding and her blush deepened. "Um, how was your summer?"

Again with the pointless questions, he didn't understand her at all. Why would she care? Why was she always trying to talk to him? "It was good." he replied back. Just wanting to leave this place already.

She smiled at him. "Really? That's g-great to hear! Um…"

Before she could continue Shizuo spoke. "I have someone I'm meeting." he told her with a dull voice. Finally meeting with Shinra every day after school came in as a good excuse to end a conversation.

"Oh! Uh," her face fell slightly but she continued to smile. "I'm sorry to keep you, I'll umm, talk to you later then!" she said before quickly turning and walking away.

Shizuo watched her for a moment before also turning away and continuing his way towards the entrance of the school. Not thinking anymore of the conversation he had just barely partook in.

Once he was finally outside, he saw Shinra and Kadota standing near the black gates talking with each other. When they noticed Shizuo coming their way, they turned their heads towards him. Shinra of course waved over dramatically at him like Shizuo couldn't see him standing there.

"Shizuo-kun! Over here!" he called loudly.

When he approached them, Shizuo glared right at Shinra who still smiled happily. "I don't have shitty vision like you."

Shinra gasped. "How rude!" he then poked Shizuo playfully. "What kept you~?"

Shizuo continued to glare; he hadn't even been that late. Though it appeared Shinra just needed to know everything. "I was barely even late."

"Still, what happened~?" Shinra kept at it, not seeming to sense that Shizuo was getting easily aggravated by this.

On the other hand, Kadota had noticed and decided to cut into the conversation.

"How about we just go? I doubt you guys still wanna be here any longer than I do." Kadota mentioned while slightly stepping in between the two.

Shinra glanced to him from Shizuo, a moment later he spoke. "You're right! Let's leave!" he then smirked lightly at Shizuo. "I can always ask later anyways~."

"Unless you want my fist in your gut, you better just drop it." Shizuo threatened.

"Ok! You win." Shinra said as the three of them began walking out of the metal gate.

Kadota only walked with them for about half the way until they had to go separate ways since his apartment was in another direction. Shizuo always liked it better when he was with them, that way Shinra was talking his ear off. Sometimes though, Shinra didn't say much and it was peaceful, but not always. Kadota and Shinra got along a lot better than Shizuo did with Shinra, maybe it was because Shizuo was always annoyed with him and always just tried to end the conversation.

No matter what Shizuo said or did, Shinra always seemed to just forgive him. Shizuo wondered if anything he said, Shinra even took seriously, probably not. He was joking and teasing with him all the time, he probably didn't take many things anyone said very seriously. All though Shinra could be a serious person when he wanted to be, Shizuo had seen it a few times. He'd honestly liked him better that way. Even if he may never admit this out loud, there was a part of him that actually liked the goofy Shinra. It was nice to not be around someone who was just filled with drama.

Shinra may be very over dramatic sometimes and incredibly annoying, but if they were friends, Shinra would be a good one.


	11. Chapter 11, Who are you?

_I apologize for my lack of updates on this story (is anyone even still reading it...?) anyways I would respond to my reviewers but I don't have enough time! Sorry! So I hope just a thank you very much suffices! D;_

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><p><em>~ Chapter 11 ~<em>

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><p><em>-Who are you?-<em>

"Yo! Shizuo-kun!" Kadota yelled towards the lost in thought blond.

Shinra was sitting next to him, just like the other day. He had the side of his face resting on his palm while his elbow supported his hand on the lunch table. "Shizuo-kun, what's wrong?" Shinra asked curiously. When he got no answer, he glanced over to Kadota. "He's been like this ever since this morning, it's so weird. I've never seen him act this way before." Shinra added with a hint of worry in his voice.

Kadota tore his gaze away from Shizuo to look at Shinra. "Did something happen?"

Shinra shrugged. "I don't know, we were walking this morning like always and as soon as we walked through the gates he stopped. I looked at him and he looked like he'd seen a ghost!"

"Was he pale in the face?" Kadota questioned curiously.

"He just got stiff all of a sudden and his eyes got a little bigger! I looked towards where he was looking but I didn't see anything out of the ordinary. I don't know what's up with him."

"Has he even spoken since this morning?"

"Hm, yeah. Not too much though, I'm sure he's just thinking more than anything. I wonder what he saw that made him act like this…"

"Me too."

Shizuo stared out the window next to him as the two others spoke about him. He could hear them talking, but the words wouldn't sink into his brain long enough for him to register what they were saying. He just knew it was about him. He'd seen them calling towards him as he gazed out the window from the corner of his eye. He was sure they wanted to know why he wouldn't speak to them, but he didn't feel like talking until he knew for sure what his thoughts were telling him right now.

He'd seen someone this morning, someone walk into the school just as they had arrived. Shizuo had only seen the back of his head, but at that very moment he felt like time slowed to a halt and memories began flooding his mind. They were memories of when he was ten years old, which was nearly eight years ago. He saw a boy in his memory; this boy had black hair but no face. He couldn't remember his face, his name, or really who he was at all

But he was there, inside Shizuo's memory.

There was no way he was making any of this up, it all felt too real. The memories were real; he knew they were but this boy he couldn't remember, who was he? Why did he think of him seeing who he saw today? Why did his memory pair the two? He didn't understand. He was confused and frustrated, confused as to why memories of eight years ago were resurfacing and frustrated that he couldn't even remember who he was.

Who he had saw today looked so familiar. Even though he had only seen the back of his head, just that few seconds it took for his mind to analyze what he was seeing, it made him stop all together. Ever since then he had been thinking about this. He couldn't get it off his mind; he wanted to know this boy in his memory. He wanted to know why he couldn't remember anything about him, but there were things that stuck out to him. There were moments that almost revealed his face, but they still stayed clouded.

He wanted to understand why this was happening to him, was it possible that who he had saw this morning was the same boy in his memory?

There was no way. He clearly remembered saying goodbye to him, he remembered watching a car drive away and he remembered feeling hurt. Were they friends? Had they been friends? After eight years, it would be expected not to remember someone, but the fact that he did must mean that he had meant something to Shizuo. He couldn't even remember half of his classmate's names, faces, but he could remember a boy from eight years ago and match him with someone he saw today. They probably weren't even the same person.

What if they were? What if that was him? What did this mean? What was he supposed to do if it was? Track him down and question him, ask him why he was in his memory but couldn't remember his face?

Wait, wouldn't Shinra know? He was there in his memory too, with that boy. Would he remember his name? His face? Who he was?

Shizuo glanced away from the window to look at Shinra with almost a serious expression on his face.

"Eight years ago… in middle school… there was another kid who hung out with us, wasn't there?" Shizuo asked.

Shinra was a little taken back by the sudden question. He seemed to think about it for a moment before nodding his head. "Yeah… there was!" Shinra then raised an eyebrow. "Why are you asking that all of a sudden?"

Shizuo ignored him, instead asking his own question. "What was his name? What did he look like?"

"Hmm…" Shinra removed his elbow from the table to cross his arms and close his eyes. A moment later he shook his head. "I don't remember… he wasn't really around very long…" Shinra opened his eyes then tilted his head to the side slightly. "How come you're so curious about this boy anyways?"

Shizuo turned his head back towards the window. Shinra had been no help at all; he was just back where he started now. Lost inside his thoughts, trying to piece together and clear up his fogged memory.

He couldn't do it. No matter how hard he thought about it, he couldn't figure any of it out. The boy's face remained a clouded mystery to him. After all these years, why would he think of this now? Why did it have any importance to his life now? If he couldn't stop thinking about it, if it was troubling him so much, it meant something didn't it? He wished he knew these answers. Shizuo knew that the boy's face was somewhere inside his mind, his identity was there but it was lost and Shizuo couldn't find it no matter how hard he looked.

"I think I saw him this morning." Shizuo finally replied. His voice trailed showing he was still among most of his thoughts.

"Whoa! Really?" Shinra appeared very interested by his reaction. "I can see why you stopped like that then! I wonder if you really did! How cool would that be?"

Kadota glanced between them; surely he was feeling quiet lost between them. "What do you mean?"

"There was a boy who use to hang out with Shizuo-kun and I in middle school, he didn't stay very long, only about three weeks… but Shizuo-kun thinks he saw him this morning." Shinra looked over to Shizuo. "I can't believe you remember something like that! I had to really think about it to remember."

"I don't remember anything about him; I just know he was there." he admitted. He almost felt bad about it, that he couldn't remember.

"Hm, me too… I don't really remember what he looked like or his name, but I know he was there too!" Shinra frowned to himself. "I sure wish I could remember, I really liked him."

Shizuo didn't say anything. Had he even liked this boy? What had their relationship been like? Why was this happening? Why couldn't he remember? He knew all of the answers were somewhere inside his head, but why couldn't he bring them out? Shizuo glared out the window before slamming his fist on the table, making it crack and the other two sitting in front of him jump.

"Damn it…" Shizuo slowly rose from his seat and glanced to Shinra and Kadota carelessly. "I'll see you guys later." he said before picking up his bag and throwing it over one shoulder then jamming his hands into his pockets and walking away from the table.

"Wait! Where are you going?" Shinra called at him.

"Gonna think."

xXxXx

Shizuo had gone to the only place he knew he'd be alone, the roof. No one ever went to the roof of the school, so he knew that his thoughts would be uninterrupted. He wasn't sure what it was going to do, but he knew that he needed to think things through. He needed to make sense of all this because he could barely stand not knowing. He felt like a secret was being kept from him, and he wanted to know what it was.

What was his name?

Where did he go?

Who was he?

Why? Why was he there inside his head?

Shizuo could remember, he had come over to his house, he remembered being worried, he remembered sitting in the dark with him. He could see all of the scenes in his head, but the words he spoke were blurred and the boy's face was the same. Everything was hazy; it had been so long ago that he wasn't even sure if he could really ever remember. There had to be a reason for all of this, just randomly thinking of someone you hadn't seen in eight years didn't just pop into your brain.

This morning, that guy, the back of his head looked almost the same as the one he could see in his head. That didn't mean they were the same person though, he remembered the boy had moved away. He couldn't be here, that couldn't be him. Shizuo couldn't bring himself to seriously believe that it was. This could all be just him overthinking things, but he couldn't help but wonder about it. What if it was him? Would he remember Shizuo? If he saw his face, would the holes in his memory fill in? Would he remember?

Shizuo stood in front of the fence that kept anyone from falling; his hand twisted the metal but made sure not to use too much force to break it. This was annoying. This was _really _annoying. He wanted to know, he almost felt like he needed to know. That if he didn't he'd go crazy, right now he felt like he just might. Things like this didn't just happen, that guy triggered his memories to lie out before him. There was a reason for this, but this reason he did not know.

What was he supposed to do? Could he find him somewhere in the school and ask him for his name? As weird as that may be, he was tempted to do it just to calm his frenzied mind. Though, that could be nearly impossible. How many other guys at this school had black hair? Quite a few, finding him wouldn't be easy. Shizuo almost wished that he had chased after him and turned him around just so he could have seen his face, so that maybe this wouldn't be so hard to remember someone.

He still lingered on the thoughts of the possibility of it being him, what did this mean? What could it mean? Were they friends or enemies? Were they in between? He could faintly remember liking the presence of his boy, so did that mean they were friends? If he was thinking about this so much, he must have liked him. Could they really have been friends all those years ago? Would that explain why he wanted to know so badly? Did he want that friend back? Did he want this boy in his life again?

If only he knew the answers.

The answers could be so close to his reach, that if only he could dig deeper into his subconscious he might remember.

Shizuo let go of the gate and let his hand slowly fall to his side, he continued to gaze at the city, the buildings, the roads, the people and trees until there was nothing left unseen. He didn't know what to do, what really could one do in a situation like this except wait? All he could do was wait and see how this all unfolded, maybe he would run into this guy again or maybe he wouldn't.

He turned from the gate and began his decent towards the door; he really shouldn't be worrying about it so much. He didn't know why he was.

"Tch, I'm an idiot." he growled to himself, he really was. Why should he care so much about something like this? Who knows how much time he had wasted thinking about it. What was he turning into? The last thing he should be doing was trying to reminisce with memories. Who cares if that was the kid from his memory or not, he shouldn't give a shit either way.

xXxXx

As soon as Shizuo sat down in his seat class had started. Thanks to damn Shinra he'd nearly been late. This was the last class of the day and he'd almost been late on the second day, he almost felt like Shinra had done it on purpose. He glanced up at the board from his seat which so happened to be almost in the back of the classroom, the board said something about taking notes on the lecture the teacher would be giving today. Though it was then he realized that the teacher wasn't even in the room yet, no wonder others were still talking.

Figuring he might as well get ready, he leaned over to open up his bag and pull out and pencil and notebook and placed them on the desk. Once he did that, he opened it to a random page and stared at it for a moment before beginning to write his name on the paper. Since the teacher wasn't even here yet, he decided to take his time writing it too.

Though not even two minutes into writing his desk started almost vibrating. Like someone was kicking it, he tried to ignore it but it was beginning to get on his nerves, obviously whoever sat in front of him wanted some kind of death wish. Once he finished writing his name, and another kick came to his desk, he snapped his head up.

"The hell is your problem?" he nearly yelled at them. At first he glared strongly, but slowly his face turned to almost shock. The guy who had been kicking his desk, he hadn't been there yesterday but he looked insanely familiar. That black hair… it couldn't be… it wasn't.

"Oh? Was that irritating you?"

His face, even his voice… there was no way, because just looking at this guy pissed him off. There was no way that this guy was the kid from back then. Even if he looked so familiar, there was no way it could be him. Shizuo wouldn't believe it. Whoever this guy was, he really pissed him off. Just looking at him made him angry. The way he smirked at him like he enjoyed annoying him made Shizuo want to rip it right from his face.

Shizuo sneered at him. "What do you want?"

He leaned forward so that he could rest his elbow on Shizuo's desk and rest his chin on his palm. The smirk turned into a fake act of innocence. "I thought that it was only polite to introduce myself, don't you think so?" his voice was so sarcastic, Shizuo hated him already.

"Why would I wanna know your name? Give me a reason to give a shit." Shizuo growled at him, he wanted to punch him in the face. Anything that would get him to just turn around and stop looking at him like that.

He gasped dramatically like he was hurt by Shizuo's words, he was a horrible actor. "So rude, someone should teach an idiot like you some manners." he went back to smirking at seeing Shizuo twitch with rage. "Well I'll tell you anyways," he reached out his hand towards Shizuo. "My name's Orihara Izaya."

Shizuo stilled. _What? _Everything began flooding in, every memory he had of that kid eight years ago was flashing through his mind. This time his face was clear, and he could hear the sound of his voice. All of which resembled the one before him. Shizuo slowly came to the realization that his what if's might have been correct. This could be the kid who had moved away, who had been his friend, who had been the only one to say he wasn't a monster.

No.

No way. He couldn't be. Shizuo felt his eye twitch, there was no way this could be him. This guy pissed him off, there was no way they could ever have been friends.

Izaya laughed mockingly at him. "Did you forget how to speak? What's your name? Or are you not going to tell me?"

Shizuo slapped his hand away. "Get outta my face. You piece of shit."

Izaya barely even looked fazed by Shizuo's insult. "Hmph. Fine, if you won't tell me your name…" Izaya grabbed the notebook that had been in front of Shizuo before he could stop him. "Let's see… Shizuo Heiwajima…" Izaya then laughed again as he threw the notebook down on the table carelessly. "What a dumb name!" he said through his laughter.

Shizuo bundled his fist under the table, he was ready to punch him. "Like yours is any better?" he shot back. Izaya had a lot of nerve; he was as rotten as his smell. Shizuo was convinced that his mind must have made a mistake. There was no way in hell this guy was the kid he had known all those years ago.

Eventually Izaya stopped laughing and gave him a light smirk. He stared at him for many minutes, with the silence growing between them it made Shizuo twitch even more. What was he playing at? What was he trying to do to him? Could he tell how angry he was and how badly he wanted to kill him?

"What!" Shizuo finally snapped, getting tired of being stared at so intensely.

Izaya went back to resting his chin on his palm. "You act like you don't remember."

"Remember what?"

"You act like you don't remember me."

Shizuo continued to glare, what the hell was he talking about? This was the first time they were ever meeting; Shizuo had convinced himself of this. "I've never met you before!" Shizuo glanced away from him. "You must be confusing me with someone else."

"Nope, I'm not confusing you with anyone." Izaya then frowned playfully. "How could you forget about me?" he said in a very childish voice, "you promised you wouldn't, or do you not remember that, Shizuo-kun… or maybe Shizu-chan."

As soon as Shizuo looked at Izaya, the teacher came into the classroom and with that Izaya turned forward after throwing a smirk in Shizuo's direction.

_Shizu-chan…_

xXxXx

Shizuo had left school as soon as the bell had rung, not letting anyone catch up to him even if they called his name. He had walked right past Shinra who he had managed to mention that he wanted to walk back alone on his way by.

He hadn't exactly walked home, more like spirited. The reason for this was because he needed to find something, this one thing he knew would clear up everything. He hadn't even looked at the thing since he was ten years old, but he knew that he still had it somewhere among his things. When he had moved out of his parent's house, he had brought everything. The only things he threw away were clothes that didn't fit him anymore or some other junk.

Once Shizuo reached the apartment complex, he was barely even out of breath. Thanks to his incredible strength he had a lot more stamina, making it easier for him to run for longer without getting tired very quickly. Shizuo hurried up the stairs as fast as his legs would take him, sometimes even skipping a few steps just so he could get there sooner. At the front door, he walked over to a potted plant and picked it up to revile a key sitting underneath it. This was so cliché but it was Shinra's idea.

With the small key in his hand, he pushed it into the lock and turned it, the lock on the other side of the door clicked and the door opened. Shizuo walked through the door and almost slammed it behind him; he dropped his bag by the door and placed the key on the kitchen table as he walked by it towards his room. He passed by three doors before reaching the door that led to his room. Shizuo wasted no time hurriedly opening it then closing it shut right behind him.

His room was nothing impressive or like the one at his parent's. This room was much smaller, there was no actual bed, instead he had a rollaway futon that he slept on which wasn't all that bad. The rest of his room consisted of clothes thrown everywhere. He wasn't exactly that neat, so unless he was nagged about it, he never cleaned up his things. There was a single closet which held some of his clothes, but more importantly a few boxes he had never unpacked. They held items that he didn't want just left sitting out.

Shizuo walked in front of the closet and pulled open the wooden sliding door, inside were clothes hanging on racks and three boxes stacked into the corner. He sat down on his knees and pulled the first box over in front of him. He peeled off the duct tape and pushed the box open, inside was many different items wrapped up in paper to keep them from breaking as he had been carrying them. He searched through the box, not opening anything that was wrapped up in the paper unless it was a certain shape he was looking for.

After a minute of searching, he closed the box and placed it on the other side of the closet, well it wasn't in there. Shizuo then grabbed the second box and did the same; he looked through it, pulling out random items and looking them over to figure out there shape.

On the very bottom of this box, he pulled out exactly what he was looking for. He knew this was it with it still being wrapped up in the paper; he could see the star outline. Shizuo unwrapped it and discarded the paper to the ground. In his hands was now a blue star, given to him by a friend ten years ago. Saying that as long as they kept them, they would always find each other again. Shizuo looked it over many times, different thoughts racing through his head.

"Izaya-kun…" he found himself mumbling. Was that really him? Was he the same Izaya? Shizuo closed his eyes and gripped the star tightly, but not so tight that it would break.

"_You aren't a monster Shizuo-kun… you saved me."_

"_I really like you Shizu-chan."_

"_I don't like to see you cry either Shizu-chan, even that one time when you tried to hide it, I knew you were. I know if I become stronger I'll be able to take away your tears."_

"_I know people call you a monster Shizu-chan, and I know you think of yourself as one… but to me, you'll always just be Shizu-chan!"_

"_Because I like you Shizu-chan, and I never want to lose you."_

"_Promise me you won't ever change. That you won't try and change anything about yourself."_

"_I like you the way you are, and I don't want you to change anything about who you are."_

"_I won't change! You don't have to worry about that Shizu-chan!"_

"_I want to live with Shizu-chan in the sky! We could live on the stars!"_

"_I'll miss you a lot…"_

"_I won't. I promise! You can't forget about me either!"_

As Shizuo opened his eyes, he found tears running down his face. Everything they had promised as children was broken; it was like finding out his childhood had been a lie. The one he had met today was Izaya whether he wanted to believe it or not. Things had changed, they both had changed and there were now many broken promises he was just remembering.

Why did this hurt so badly? Why did his chest now ache with this pain? He felt lied to, Izaya had broken his promises. He'd changed; he wasn't the boy he used to know. He became someone that Shizuo now hated even after just meeting. The memories now were just far away wishes of fantasies that could never come true, if only he had known that this would happen in the future and he would have never become friends with him.

Shizuo began to remember things clearly now, the sleepover and going outside after midnight with Izaya just to look up at the sky. He was remembering things that were better left forgotten. They had been stupid promises, and had been bound to be broken by their separation and just growing up. If only he had known better.

He felt so weak and pathetic crying over something like this, or even crying at all. Crying made him feel so stupid, but he couldn't stop, this pain hurt and the only way he could find to deal with it was just crying over it. Crying over shattered promises and dreams, and reuniting with someone who had changed so much. He wondered why this all felt so painful, maybe it was because he wanted to be friends with the Izaya he had first met, not what he had turned into.

Eventually he pulled himself together, swiping his tears away with his sleeve. He gazed at the star and was tempted to just smash it to pieces, but something kept him from doing it. So instead, he just placed it back into the box and put both boxes back into the closest.

After he shut the door, he leaned against it and gazed up at his ceiling. What was he supposed to do now? Now that the friend he had made so many years ago and that he had cared so much about was gone? Thinking back on it, Izaya was pretty much his first crush. As strange as that sounded in his head now, did Izaya still feel the same way he had for him when they were younger? Obviously Izaya had remembered Shizuo right when he saw him.

Tomorrow, he would have to try and have a pleasant talk with Izaya.


End file.
